Good Girl

Because of the last post, and the comment from AK, I remembered one of my eyeopening discussions with Mr. Atheist. It is about how guys like himself would rather chose a Cewek Baik, instead of Cewek Baik-Baik.

Well… I couldn’t just translate those two phrases, because I have to explain why he chose to use the phrases. First, in Indonesian language, sometimes the repetition of a word could make a huge difference in meaning, sometimes, it change not only the meaning but also the sense of it. Second, in Indonesian language, when an adjective is attached to a different noun it can completely change the meaning and the sense.

For example: Cewek (noun) is a slang for “girl” or “woman”. Baik (adj) means Good. Baik-baik (adj) also means Good, but in different sense. When they’re combined together, in google translator, both Cewek Baik-Baik and Cewek Baik are translated as “Good Woman”. But actually in Indonesian, Cewek Baik-Baik has the sense of reputability and respectability, while Cewek Baik emphasize more on the attitude or the kindness of the individuals.

Anyway, let’s leave the translation things to the translation students or the real translator, because that’s not the reason why I write this piece.

So, what I was going to write?

Oh… yeah!

One day, Mr. Atheist changed his status on BBM with: “a guy doesn’t need Cewek Baik-Baik, but (he needs) Cewek Baik”. I don’t know if this mindset is universal or just some people believes in this, but for me it makes sense.

I think this should be the consideration for people who wants to get married (not that I want to), that respectability is not everything. How many times we heard that a woman become the victim of domestic violence, with black and blue in her face, or worse, beaten to death by her husband, who… probably, a respectable guy, with a good job and came from a family with good reputation. How many times the arranged marriage ended up in this kind of situation?

Most of the time we’re blinded with image that has been made in the society. We were fed with the information about what’s considered good and what’s not, but we’ve never been given a chance to actually question the truth of it. Sometime we forget how easy it is to create an image in the society… Trust me, I am a communication student, I learned about image management… Now, even politician can create good image if they have a good PR team behind them…

But we’re not politician, aren’t we? We don’t want to be one of them… And we don’t want to be fooled with those images, do we? We know better… don’t we?

And They Said I Was A Bad Influence

That makes me smile a little.

When Denise and Shan told me that, I knew they were joking. But I started to realize that maybe someone out there, someone who doesn’t really know who I am, probably think that I might be a bad influence to them.

To be honest, I don’t really “stick to the norm” kind of person. I don’t do what my mom asked me to do and I actually do things she doesn’t want me to do. I admit I smoke, and even few days ago a mini hookah was sent to me. I drink, relatively a lot, which even it doesn’t make me a drunkard, it’s enough to make some people think I that I am.  I support homosexuality, even I can say I might be one of those people in the LGBT societies. I don’t really care about religion or beliefs, and even I don’t believe in those kind of things, and I tend to make fun of it.

Somewhere, of course it should take place where I wouldn’t be able to witness it with my own eyes, there are probably some people who believe that befriended with someone like me would give them a really bad influence. What? It makes sense!

I wanted to ask people who came to me for advice, “why do you come to me? Don’t you know what kind of person I am?” I mean, shouldn’t they be afraid they might get something bad from me? Maybe, they would get some contagious disease from me and go home as a atheist drunkard smoker lesbian?

Yes I was being cynical.

Many times, my parents told me not to get close to someone, or telling my sisters or brother not to befriend with someone else because they might give you a bad influence just because of what they’ve seen. Probably because they’re a gamer who spend most of their time on the internet cafe, or probably because they are children in a broken home family who go to school only to get scolded by teachers? Probably it’s because of how they look, how many piercings in their ears, and how bright they dye their hair, or how many visible tattoos on their body.

Don’t get together with the bad crowds. They said. Because for them, the crowd is the most important thing. They might not believe how good those people might be. How respectful what they did to stand up for their family and friends. They might not believe how smart they are when they talk about political stuffs, and how easy they blend in the society. They don’t know how talented they are in music, or how great they might be in business.

Some people just believe that the bad crowds are the bad influence.

I know some people would fall to the temptation for doing crime, which I might want to avoid. But, sometimes, they just need some chances to prove themselves to the world what they’re capable of. I am not talking about the criminals, I was talking about good people in bad crowds.

Do I believe in bad crowds? Well… I don’t.

Oh, No! Please Don’t!

One thing that I scared the most, especially when I was far away from home is: being sick. I hate being sick. When I was younger I got easily sick, I knew how it feels not to be able to do many things because you have to stay in bed. I knew how it feels to wake up at night to take a sip of cough syrup or worse: antibiotic powder. It sucks. That’s why I don’t like being sick.

What make it worse, when you’re sick and you’re away from home, you will start to feel that your misery is doubled. No one is going to take you to the doctor, or make you hot delicious (although you won’t be able to taste it when you’re really sick) chicken soup, or remind you when to take the pills. You will start to become a little bit (or much) more emotional, and you will probably do or demand emotional things. You will be a little bit (or much) needy, clingy, annoyingly needy and clingy. You even want someone who would stay up all night just to hold your hand…

Hush now! It wasn’t me talking. It was the sickness…

I hate being sick. I hate being sick and away from people that I care about. It is not a homesickness… It was the flu that makes it like I am being homesick. I don’t miss anything back home, I just… Sick.

2003, the first three months of my freedom, I fell sick because of the heavy study workload. I got a really high fever, and heavy flu, I couldn’t move from my bed, even to play solitaire in my computer (you can imagine how bad the flu was). I cried when the headache came at night, not because of the severe pain, nor the homesickness. I just wish I wasn’t there at my room alone. I was thinking life would be better if I wasn’t alone (and I was wrong).

There’s a reason why a sick person isn’t allowed to testify, or do an IQ test. A sick person has a sick brain, and a sick brain usually comes out with a sick idea. A sick idea sucks most of the time.

I hate being sick because even if my brain is alcohol-proof, but it is not sick-proof. When I got sick, my brain started to think about stupid things. And, you know how I hate being stupid, don’t you?

From the death-bed of the sick girl,

Bybyq

Good Luck Chuck!

Few days ago I got an invitation on facebook from one of my old acquaintance. I wouldn’t say “friend” because I have never actually befriended her. Not even after she had a relationship with one of my exes and tried to communicate with me. I am glad they got together though, because they’re getting married, I think in the end of this week.

It’s not something big for me knowing that my ex is getting married. My first ex got married last month, and this is actually my second ex. But when it happened it makes me think….

AM I THE CHUCK?!

You know?

The other day I watched a movie titled Good Luck Chuck… Hey, before you continue reading, this is going to be full spoiler. So SPOILER ALERT! You might want to skip this entry if you haven’t watch this movie and want to watch it first before knowing the whole story….

Okay… So, in this movie, there’s a guy named Chuck. Whoever girl he made love to will get the love of her life and get married soon after him. Now, Two of my exes are married, I think the other two will follow their path real soon. Let’s see….

I am not feeling bad about this… It’s like bringing good things to people who was once close to me is nice too (see… I actually a really good person!). However, some people felt bad when their ex gets married, for several reasons. Maybe for Chuck, it’s because he feels that he would never be able to find the ‘one’… Maybe for Mr. Atheist is because of his ababil side… Maybe for Miiya it’s because she hasn’t yet let go… Maybe for someone else, it might be some other reasons.

For me…

It’s okay.

I am so happy now. It’s like “someone’s trash is someone else’s treasure”… I am glad that someone actually appreciate my trashes as their treasures… Wait a minute, why did it sound so bad? It was like I trash them >_< It’s a bad analogy, isn’t it?

Anyway… Good luck chuck doesn’t fit me well…. You know it sound so boyish. I don’t like being called chuck… Probably you should change it:

“GOOD LICK CHICK!”

Buzzy Like A Bee

I hate bee… I killed a bee and cried because I was so scared its friends would come to me and kill me. Well, those bees didn’t come, and I won’t recommend you to watch anything about the killer bees, because it would just make you stupidly paranoid…

But yeah, I was quite busy lately. It’s nice to know that I still care to write a blog, eh? Well, writing is the only thing that keeps me sane in this hectic situation. I don’t want to complain about life but now I think 24 hour a day is not enough. Now I know why people said that studying in the UK needs a lot of work.

This is a work, Man!

First of all, this is almost the end of the term, and it’s like I haven’t finish any of my essays. I only have several weeks and I have trouble with my academic English. Hey, Byq, why don’t you just write your essay like you’re writing your blog? Because it is a c a d e m i c.

Today is one of those days. It has been three days since I actually wake up on time. I was a bit in rush lately because I couldn’t wake up as early as usual. And I have to eat breakfast because my mood would be ruined if I don’t. It’s so hard to keep the biological clock on time when you feel too tired to even wake up and start the day.

Shan told me earlier this evening that she saw me very “angry” (I can understand that she has a really limited English vocabulary, especially to explain a very specific emotion like “gloomy”) the other morning. I was really tired I couldn’t even focus on what I ate, and i didn’t listen to any of what she said. It happened again today.

Denise invited me to the coffee break with her friend, the Italian Musician. He’s actually so cute, but I think he’s as old as my mom, so let’s skip the crap. But I couldn’t focus to anything, because I was so tired, and it makes me feel so gloomy.

I actually burned my breakfast; something I never did before, even when I was a crappier cook. I made the sunny side the wrong way, it was totally a mess because this is the day when I need the SUNSHINE on my breakfast. And, I know right there and then, when the milk couldn’t help you boost your mood, I’m in the lowest point on my life.

Really.

I can’t wait until my Indonesian Cigarettes come and I will owe my life to Miiya.