Dear You Again

Hi you!

I am not gonna promise you this is going to be the last time I write to you like this, but I promise I will try my best to get over you. In fact, one of my unwritten New Year Resolution is to forget about you. Of course, not entirely. Most probably, forget the feeling that made me “galau akhir tahun” like this.

By this time next year, I will see your round bambi eyes with a totally different way. By this time next year, I would be able to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year directly to you. Probably via internet, but hey, chances are we’re not gonna see each other again face to face. So I think that’s the most possible way to talk to you, right? And of course, by this time next year, I won’t make this stupid letter again.

My dearest friend told me I need closure. With you. Do we need closure? Considering we never actually started anything, do we need it? I think I don’t have to make it your problem, since it is my problem. Although my friend said, what if you were actually waiting for me to make the first move?

Then, I’d be damned.

But I would never regret it.

Alright?

I almost forgot the last time we meet. Almost. But not close enough.
I still remember where we were. You were with your family and I was with my friends. I hoped I got your phone number, but no I didn’t. You seemed in hurry. You didn’t seem eager. I should back off.

With that in my head. The remembrance of our last contact would be the reminder to me that it is what it is. It was what it was. We were who we were.

Hey you, who made me “galau akhir tahun”. Thank you.

Dear You

Dear You,

 

It’s been years since the last time we talked, but I know you still remember me. I hope you do. But if you do, how come we never talk anymore? It’s kinda sad but, well… I hope you’re doing okay with your life.

You seem to be okay though… At least, that’s my assumption seeing your facebook page every time you got something new on your timeline (that’s what they call it now). That makes me sound like a stalker, but who cares? Do you? I believe you don’t mind if I take a look at your profile once or twice a week, just to catch up with your days… And you know what? You look even more and more beautiful each day.

I miss you.

Well, I didn’t know that I could feel something like this. I mean, I knew, but I didn’t knew that I would still feel it after years have gone by. I miss our little meaningless conversation. I miss our awes every time we found ourselves have done or bought something so similar. I miss having you being around… I miss your Macaroni Schotel. I made a penne schotel for this Christmas party with my friends, but it’s nothing compared to your macaroni schotel.

I mean it.

How come we never talk anymore?

It crosses my mind every time I looked at your picture on facebook. Seriously. How come?

It’s like we got so close and suddenly everything’s gone. Was it when I changed school? Was it after that? And why?

I don’t know your reason, but mine is a bit different.

I can’t be close to you because it would be complicated. It would be complicated for me, and especially for you. And, moreover it’s you, and I don’t want to complicate us because what we had was so beautiful. Beautiful enough to make me back off and let everything like it is. I don’t want to ruin it.

I don’t want to confuse you. Especially, at that moment I was confused myself. And probably, the one who brought the confusion was you. Because you were around and gave me the feeling I didn’t know would ever existed.

And again, it’s complicated because it was you.

If it was someone else, it might be easier. It could be so much easier.

Anyways, it doesn’t even matter anymore. Since we don’t talk, there’s nothing to be worried about.

I might still see you once in a while on facebook. I might enjoy your pretty picture with some cheeky comments on it. I could have a look a little bit longer if the feeling stroke again. I might get a little bit stung when you said something I never expected. However, it wouldn’t change a thing between us.

Not that I don’t want thing to change. I want it.

I mean, I want you to talk to me again. I want to connect with you like we used to. I might change my mind about relationship if it leads somewhere else, but… Yeah.

Anyway… I don’t know what you’re doing today, right now. But I hope you enjoyed your holiday. I believe you did a great job this year and you’ll rock even more next year.

Merry Christmas and Happy New year :)

 

Love,

BYQ

And Then There Was The Party…

I would be lying if I said that the party was epic, and the biggest party at this year. Seriously. Although it can be said that it might be the biggest house party I’ve ever attended in the UK, but still I know that it is far from festive. However, this party was definitely memorable.

It was only people who we know. And who knows us. People who, actually connected by destiny. It sounds stupid but let me explained to you how we know each other.

I met Amy at the first day, and Denise at the second day. I introduced her to each other later, and apparently, Amy used to live at Denise ex-flat. Sheila is my flatmate, and Rosie is Denise flatmate, and apparently they are studying the same course with Yumi-San (who lives in the same building as I do)! Windy is my classmate, and she’s a friend of Denise’s Thai flatmate. There’s a connection between all of us.

Weird.

A little bit creepy indeed.

And yeah, the party went so smooth. For them. Because for me it was a bit torturing, my stomach was acting up all day, so I felt really sick and wanted to throw up almost all the time. Not food poisoning definitely because all of us ate the same thing. I would say it’s the bloody PMS stroke again.

The food was crazy! I mean, I can’t imagine those girls could actually ate that much and still able to take down all the desserts. Like… seriously girl, what kind of stomach you guys have?!

The conversation was crazy as well, we laughed and Denise decided that we came from different generation. Those from the gen X and those from gen Y. I don’t see the differences, because for me, I can still relate to both of them. It’s them who can’t relate to me, and how I write everything here. LOL. Seriously, they might not know that I write everything (or almost) here in my blog. Even if they know that I have a blog, they might not get interested in it.

Anyway, we laughed a lot! In the middle of the evening, some of the girls go home earlier. Probably because they’re so tired, and they might want to connect to their family back home. I don’t really see Christmas as a big thing, so I didn’t do that. Later at night we moved to Amy’s house… because it’s warmer there.

It was another craziness.. Denise and I did a overnight makeover to Amy and it made Amy looks so much different. I think we have to do it more often to many people. And get some money out of it.

Of course, like usual, I got in a hot discussion and a debate with Denise. Now the funny part is, because Denise and I argued a lot, we’re actually okay with it. We don’t actually take everything personally, but Amy is not like us, in the sense of perceiving arguments. She sensed the tension in the arguments, in the middle of the debate she always tried to mitigate, and moderate the discussion. It’s so funny when she tried to find softer words to make us feel better, and it suddenly made me burst out laugh.

“Denise? Do you realize what she was trying to do? It’s just a really good example of how the collectivists dealing with arguments in group…”

Anyways… It’s the boxing day. I should have gone to London, but I don’t feel very well. My stomach was still acting up until past midnight, so I don’t want to push it. After all, there were no bus to take me to the city bus station anyway… and I still have to wander off in London by myself. I still have lots of thing to do later at 4th of January…

The Christmas Eve: Opening Party

So it’s decided that today, Denise and I would hold a party for everyone here. Not the thing that I li actually, the crowds. But Denise looked so excited about this party so, why not?

Among many who are invited, I doubt half of them actually celebrating Christmas. Probably only two or three of them actually care about what Christmas is, and the rest… probably cares more about the food or the drink, or just the party so they don’t feel so alone here. Doesn’t matter anyway.

Last night, Denise told me that Amy was around, and would be able to come to the party. Amy is the Chinese girl (who’s surprisingly more western that some of us), that helped me the first day I arrived here. She’s the one who gave me my first mobile phone number and well… actually one of the best people in this university. She invited us to her flat, which made us in awe because it was so much better than ours.

Me, and Yumi-San (the Japanese Girl who lived in the same building), looked at it with total jealousy. Our room was only half her bedroom.

But Amy just pour us more and more drink, which eventually makes us happier and happier and talked more and more. And somehow in the conversation we talked about religion (Oh gosh).

This is what I don’t like about talking about religion with people who don’t really understand. It’s not that I understand all of the stuff, but at least when I said something I had a ground theory that support my opinion. At least that’s how the scientific method works in any discussion. But, talking with girls, sometimes made me in awe because they don’t care about those kind of things…

Most of girls remind me of my Mom. They can follow something blindly, or half blindly, without knowing what’s behind it. They don’t care about how it works, and how it started, and who do what and when and why… Simply put, they don’t believe in history. And yeah, just like my Mom, most of the girls I know are bad at History and Geography.

I don’t think History and Geography might be the most important thing in life, but it is definitely not something that you can just neglect after school. I mean, I’ve been reading history and geography since I was in the elementary school, so I don’t understand what’s going on in those girls head… But Amy was different.

When the discussion led to religion stuff… We started to compare the American and the British attitude towards religion. Off course we know (not exactly how), that it has something to do with why some of the British people went to the land of America for the first time. When I said that to Denise and Yumi-San, Amy just shout:

“Mayflower”

Amy and I had a little chat about that, and suddenly Denise asked us: “How do you guys know about that kind of stuff?”

I was a bit tempted to reply with: “How do you not know about this kind of stuff?”, but Amy said t was the readings we had when we were at school.

Fortunately the conversation moved into other things. Like, Amy doesn’t believe in God (It makes me wonder if “doesn’t believe in God” and “believes in no God” is the same thing?). That Yumi-San wanted to go to Cambridge. That Denise thought the cute saxophone street musician in Cambridge is not cute, against the normal believe that he’s totally a hottie.. And so on.

What about today?

The party would be started in 3 hours. It means I have to get ready. I’ll keep it updated…

 

Cheers~

Merry Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS

 

 

Happy holiday for everyone, enjoy your Christmas break :)

You don’t have to celebrate Christmas to take advantage of the public holidays :D

 

BYQ~