I AM THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD

March 11, 2012

Alright, I actually don’t want to post this because it’s going to make me look stupid. And crazy. And stupid most of the time. And I am going to hate myself for it. And I might hate myself for posting this.

And I might regret it one day.

But I just could not take this anymore. Seriously. I might probably dead if I have to hold this any longer.

So…

Forgive me if what I am going to write today would be as cheesy as… well, I am going to write Twilight, but I really hope that my entry today wouldn’t be as rubbish as that.

I got a date.

Do you remember the days when we were younger? Let’s say, high school? When all noobiness are acceptable, and dating is just a word we are all clueless about. Remember the teenage movies, the cheesy romantic drama on the film and how the girl and the guy in the film being so nervous and awkward and all we did, as the audiences did were thinking how stupid they were. Like, come on!! There’s an obvious clue. Come on! You missed the bloody moment!!

And yet the best moment came in the end as the perfect closure. Classic. If not cliche.

Remember when you grow up you started to think that such things are not happening in the real world. You started to believe that in the real world, when you grow older, you won’t act like when you’re teenagers anymore. That’s what I believed. That’s what I knew.  That’s what I usually did.

Being twenty something, I didn’t expect myself to be all excited and all nervous about a date. Even a first, potential date. But the minute… no, the second I saw him I just shut like a clam. I turned noob.

Man, I am usually good at this.

Of course before 20 I was a noob. But I am talking after 20, when for me dating is no longer a big stuff. When I can go with people casually, and not letting the nervousness gets in the way. I can talk for hours and make good impression and made people say, “when will I see you again?”

I can be funny. I can be serious. I can be cool or cute. I can be everything.

Not a clam.

Alright… the fact that both of us enjoyed that nervousness (while at the same time being nervous), and enjoyed each other company, made me feel so much better. The fact that he still wanted to see me again after yesterday, made me so much better.

He is a, well, maybe I am just speaking too soon, or too much, but i don’t really care for now because this is what i am feeling now…. where was I? Oh… he is… *damn scumbag brain!* *back again* he is… *blush*

He is… a nice, polite, smart, funny… not mention cute and well, maybe one of the English that I can easily understand when he was speaking. I mean I can understand my lecturer as well, but it was because he was talking at the academic environment. Let’s say that with him, I don’t have to “huh?” and “sorry?” too much…

For some of my friends, when I told this, they said it was cute. I mean, all the awkwardness and stuff. Well, it is cute if I am the outsider. Being in that situation I feel really dumb. But, there’s always the best part in a great date (hell yeah it was by definition a great date).

In the end of our date… we were talking about piercings. I said to him once that  I was curious about how it feels to kiss someone with lip or tongue piercing. He has one, and he told me that he has been thinking about that. I know! I know! It’s obvious sign isn’t it? But we both… or at least I was too slow to understand what he was trying to say!! Forgive me about that! However, failing to conveyed his meaning, he finally told me that he wanted to ask me something, that he thought might be inappropriate for a first date.

Ah! Yes I just got that. (yes i was slow! happy?!!)

I told him *blush* *damn* *blush* that it might be appropriate.

And oh that moment was priceless. LOL. Seriously.

You would never guess that we were two adults who have been dating many times before. You would see two stupid junior high school, both waiting for a first kiss…

Which was great.

It was EPIC.

I can still feel the butterfly in my tummy.

I can still remember every second and enjoying it. I can still feel the goosebumps… and I remembered how I wanted more.

But that moment was perfect. GOSH.

.

*climb up a boat and shout out loud* I am the (noob) queen of the world!!!

 

Happy Valentine’s Day (1)

February 28, 2012

It’s late but who cares?

Shut up if you do.

So yeah.

I’ve been planning for my perfect Valentine’s Day this year, since this year might be the end of the universe, so I think I should just make the most of it, shouldn’t I? I managed to buy one ticket for Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Bird concert in Aberdeen (keep in mind that it would take more than 8 hours from Norwich to reach Aberdeen). And, also buy a dress, cute one from ZARA to be worn on that occasion. Yes I am a fan, sue me!

I went there Monday afternoon. I was too excited so I came to the railway station three hours earlier. Waiting there was kind of boring, but I managed to amuse myself by memorising the songs I would love to hear on the concert. Surprisingly I met Luisa there. She was with her partner and her baby girl Bianca. It means now I have met all of her family members, because I met the older girl when she came here to visit few weeks ago.

Okay, that was my second time using the train to travel. The first time doing it alone. The last time I used the train was when my flatmates and I went to Cambridge, and it was four of us. Travelling solo for the first time (using train) gave me both excitement, and anxiety. Every time the train was moving, I always wanted to scream, “Aaaargh! You know what? I am travelling solo just to see my lovely Noel Gallagher! In Aberdeen! Aberdeen, can you believe it?”

But, no I didn’t do it, of course. It would be too outrageous.

From Norwich you had to change the trains three times to Aberdeen. First one the train from Norwich to Peterborough, and then from Peterborough to Newcastle, and then from Newcastle to Aberdeen. It was a fun ride though.

I stopped at Newcastle in the middle of the night, and should continue the journey the day after. It was crazy because I thought there would be a place to sleep in the station but there wasn’t, so I walked a little and found out that not so far, there is a hotel to stay. Of course, more expense, but hey I was in the Valentine’s Day mood, so the hell with it (I just need to cut the clothing budget, lunch budget, alcohol budget, and stop buying doritos for the next three months, don’t you think?)

Anyway, the hotel was nice. Surprisingly nice. It was clean, with a large bed (which I missed so much) and also the bath tub (which I also miss a lot). I took the opportunity to soak in the hot tub and release my fatigue. I paid for it, I should enjoy it!

The journey continued.

 

 

A Little Update Before I Start Again

February 27, 2012

Of course I don’t just quit this blog like that. I know it’s been awhile since the last time I posted, so before I proceed I should give a little update (and actually some highlights of the months so I remember what I needed to post).

- Valentine’s Day

It was great. And to be honest it was the best Valentine’s Day ever.  I don’t need an arguments, and if someone like Amy believed that Valentine’s Day should be spent with someone special, then it’s her opinion. And just for the record, Noel Gallagher is more than special, don’t you think?

- Weekend trip to Leeds

It was definitely a stress reliever. Go there solo travelling, and get as much as I wanted. Be a little bit cultured, and I think I just achieved one of my New Year target :)

Yes.

After feeling so down in the beginning of this month, I just needed some mood booster. And had one, and it was fantastic. Got crazy weekends afterwards, of course not everything went smoothly like what I wanted, got all my troops smashed at Bev’s tiny villages. Made me want to throw my goddamn laptop out of my window. Luckily I remembered that she’s just not worth it. TW life is a little bit more gloomy that I was expected, and yes, I will tell you about that later too.

School life? Ah yeah…

About that.

Well, now it doesn’t sound really convincing, does it? I mean, I like being at the class, it’s fun because we basically talked about things that we passionate about. But the assignments are pain in the bottom. And now, since the deadline is approaching… What should I do?

So that’s the summary of the last two… or three weeks. Be back soon with all the details.

 

Cheers~

 

The Worst Feeling Ever

February 12, 2012

The worst feeling ever.

Well, that’s what I feel right now :)

And yes, I just put the happy face smiley there. I don’t know why I did it. Maybe I just don’t want to be seen that sad lol. It’s stupid, to be honest.

Anyway.

Remember when I told you about friendzone? Yeah apparently I was not totally right about it. You want to say something before I continue? Alright… Yes I was friendzoned just not so long time ago, so I know now.

The person that I like constantly talking about another girl. Constantly.

I might be happy if he does, but the problem is he seems not happy about it. Of course, if there’s no problem they won’t talk about it right? Actually I don’t mind listening anything he said…. It’s just bad.

If seeing him online makes me feel warm inside, and when he spoke to me it gave me tingling in my stomach… when he talked about the other girl it makes me feel the chill in my back. But the worst, when he said he wasn’t happy, it slightly makes me angry.

Can you imagine… You want a pizza (or pasta, whatever you like, basically any food you like the most). And you actually got the best pizza in the world. Lots of cheeses, thick toppings, lots of meats, warm and sliced just right. The pizza was only one inch from your mouth, but then you see someone you really really really care about, looking at you, your pizza, hungry.

So you said to him. Alright you can have my last slice of pizza. And you hoped deep inside he’ll share the pizza with you. But no.

He gave the pizza to someone else. He thought that person would share his pizza with him. But no.

She took the pizza. Bit a bit. Didn’t like it, and she looked him, saying she was on diet and just threw the rest to the trash can.

Change the pizza with your heart.

Worst feeling ever.

To What Extent?

February 10, 2012

I don’t have many friends. I do know a lot of people, but friendship is a commitment as well, isn’t it? It would take me awhile before I decide if someone is my friend or not. However, once I consider someone as a friend of mine, it is not so easy for me to just neglect them whenever bad things come. Yes, I do have this bloody superhero syndrome, and I am struggling with that *facepalm*.

Anyway…

I don’t want to spoil someone else’s story, but I just want to explain what went on few weeks go. So, I was talking to this friend on facebook chat, she was so low because of her academic problem. She was very low, so at that moment, the only right thing to do is to invite her over so she can talk and I can comfort her… a little. Yes, I sacrifice my game! So that should counts. She was so happy when I invited her to come because she didn’t want to be alone at that moment, and I was the only one who offered a talk.

She went on with heart to heart talk, said she couldn’t talk to anyone about her feeling because she thought people doesn’t care. Well, maybe they really don’t care, but it wouldn’t help if you kept thinking that way, would it? Anyway, I told her, if anything happens, she can always talk to me.

The next day, she asked me to go out to the city center. Two days after she called me and asked me if I was free. Few days afterwards we talked on skype, and then she found out I was going to go to Noel Gallagher’s concert (which I bought about three months before I even talked to her about her problems). Later that I know from Denise that she was disappointed that I didn’t ask her to go with me.

“She said if anything happens I can talk to her, but she didn’t ask me to go to Noel Gallagher’s concert with her”.

Is that even make sense?

It wasn’t the first time I had this “friendship went too far” experience. It happened many times actually. I offered a friendship and these girls just don’t know where to stop. Am I a chick magnet or something? Well, if I am I will take that as a compliment, but if I don’t, what’s wrong with me?

A female friend was a bit pissed with me because I “left” her on a party. First, it wasn’t a real party. Second, she went there with another friend and not only with me. I didn’t leave him alone or whatsoever, but for her I was abandoning her. This sensitivity I don’t have. And that kind of attitude; the clingy, needy behavior, I don’t understand. They are strong women I can see, but when I was there, they want me to… argh. They need boyfriends I guess, I was replacing that figure (which I also don’t understand how that makes sense).

I am not a bad friend. I believe that. Apart from my Machiavellian tendency, I know that I can go to your house in the middle of the night if you needed my help. I can abandon things that I like, like my game if you said to me you were feeling low and you need someone to talk. I can pick up the phone, no matter how hesitate I am talking on phone, when you call just to make sure you’re alright. I will listen no matter how boring your love life story, and if you ask I might give you idea, sometimes the brilliant ones (I am a narcissist, so deal with it).

However, I am not that kind of friend.

You can come to me to talk about your problem, but it does not necessarily vice versa. I mean, I don’t get the idea how come you expect me to talk to you if you don’t even know how to solve your problem yourself? I might just go to a professional or if I just need to vent I will write it here. Sorry for that but, hey… That’s how I deal with most of my problems. Doesn’t mean I don’t talk to friends at all… I do, but to some extent.

I don’t go out with friends on daily basis. I know some (Asian?) girls do this. They shop together, eat together everyday, go to campus together in group, and that’s how define close friends. I don’t do that. Chances are I go to the city centre without telling you anything, or go to a concert by myself, and it doesn’t change my friendship with you. I don’t think I have to report all my activities to a friend, that’s absurd. Isn’t it?

I like companionship, but I am not marrying that.