It Is Going To Be Different This Time

May 29, 2012

I heard that many times before.

An early, premature promise, trying to assure that things are not going to be the same. That it is going to be different. To be better. That it is no longer something that is temporary, but something that is built to last. And then, a flood of sweet words that can make my brain diabetic…

Once, twice… maybe because I was stupid, three times, I believed those words. I believed all the things said, and all the promises made. I believed that magic could happen, and change the world into a nicer place to me. Of course it didn’t happen. It never happened. Never. Not to me.

I am not trying to play victim here, but my point is, I heard too many promises, I started to become very… very skeptical about all those things. I started to believe that words are the cheapest things you can give to someone. The ugly truth is, maybe I was that cheap that I could be bought with words.

“It is going to be different this time,” she said. And I just laughed at her.

What is going to be different? How this relationship would be different from the previous ones? You didn’t even realise what was wrong with the pas failures. You didn’t even learn. And worse, you use the ‘magic words’ that you thought was an excuse for everything, “this is who I am”. A sign that you’re not open to change yourself.

How could you expect things to change, if you don’t want to change? How could you expect things to be different if you stay the same?

After few minutes, i just realised I was being so cynical to her. And I knew that it wasn’t about her anymore. It’s about me. It’s me who couldn’t stand listening to those kind of things.

the picture is taken from: http://www.adayinmollywood.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/sunll-come-out-395x500.jpg

I’ve heard so many times before, that things are going to be different. That tomorrow is a better day. That the sun comes out tomorrow (and some high pitched girls sang about it telling me that she bet a bottom dollar that tomorrow there’ll be sun. Of course there’ll be sun, however she didn’t say that there might be cloud and rain too -_-”). All those promises.

I hate promises.

I hate people giving me promises and break it like an insurance guy who sold and runaway after the contract was signed.  I hate when people asked me to trust them but in the end they just broke it.

“Don’t promise me anything,” I said one day. And they didn’t listen.

Every Time I Had Hangover

May 27, 2012

There was a long history between Superbyq and alcohol. Since I had to buy alcohol from black markets, until now when buying alcohol is as easy as buying crisps at the the nearest Tesco, I always love drinking. I am not alcoholic, or you may say so if you insist, but for me, I am not. I just enjoy drinking.

I should say…

And that’s what happened to me.

As a result, there’s the morning after experience called Hangover. It’s the feeling of severe pounding in your head, sometimes with a little nausea, and your body felt like it’s been beaten by The Rock. I still have bruises in my hand and I don’t know where it came from. It’s bad. Sometimes it’s really bad.

However, somehow, lately I felt responsible to my body. After being high as fuck and killing some of my weak brain cells, I need to treat myself better, don’t I? I mean, after my brain and my liver worked hard to give me those pleasure, i should at least give something in return. Like good food in the morning, or treating myself like Princess to make everything feel better. Don’t I?

So, this morning, after sleeping 2 hours longer than usual (which was one of how I treated myself like a lazy princess), I made myself a very healthy breakfast. A salad: mushroom, tomato, lettuce, sweetcorn, carrot, and chicken breast. Hell yeah chicken breast.

I am always chose thigh over breast. As dirty as it sounds, it’s apparently applicable to any aspects in my life. However, I shall make a little bit of exception, since I had this target with Momo, to lose 12 kilograms before the end of this year, and I need few kilograms of weight lose before I go home this mid June.

So, let me enjoy my hangover today, and Happy Sunday everybody…

I AM THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD

March 11, 2012

Alright, I actually don’t want to post this because it’s going to make me look stupid. And crazy. And stupid most of the time. And I am going to hate myself for it. And I might hate myself for posting this.

And I might regret it one day.

But I just could not take this anymore. Seriously. I might probably dead if I have to hold this any longer.

So…

Forgive me if what I am going to write today would be as cheesy as… well, I am going to write Twilight, but I really hope that my entry today wouldn’t be as rubbish as that.

I got a date.

Do you remember the days when we were younger? Let’s say, high school? When all noobiness are acceptable, and dating is just a word we are all clueless about. Remember the teenage movies, the cheesy romantic drama on the film and how the girl and the guy in the film being so nervous and awkward and all we did, as the audiences did were thinking how stupid they were. Like, come on!! There’s an obvious clue. Come on! You missed the bloody moment!!

And yet the best moment came in the end as the perfect closure. Classic. If not cliche.

Remember when you grow up you started to think that such things are not happening in the real world. You started to believe that in the real world, when you grow older, you won’t act like when you’re teenagers anymore. That’s what I believed. That’s what I knew.  That’s what I usually did.

Being twenty something, I didn’t expect myself to be all excited and all nervous about a date. Even a first, potential date. But the minute… no, the second I saw him I just shut like a clam. I turned noob.

Man, I am usually good at this.

Of course before 20 I was a noob. But I am talking after 20, when for me dating is no longer a big stuff. When I can go with people casually, and not letting the nervousness gets in the way. I can talk for hours and make good impression and made people say, “when will I see you again?”

I can be funny. I can be serious. I can be cool or cute. I can be everything.

Not a clam.

Alright… the fact that both of us enjoyed that nervousness (while at the same time being nervous), and enjoyed each other company, made me feel so much better. The fact that he still wanted to see me again after yesterday, made me so much better.

He is a, well, maybe I am just speaking too soon, or too much, but i don’t really care for now because this is what i am feeling now…. where was I? Oh… he is… *damn scumbag brain!* *back again* he is… *blush*

He is… a nice, polite, smart, funny… not mention cute and well, maybe one of the English that I can easily understand when he was speaking. I mean I can understand my lecturer as well, but it was because he was talking at the academic environment. Let’s say that with him, I don’t have to “huh?” and “sorry?” too much…

For some of my friends, when I told this, they said it was cute. I mean, all the awkwardness and stuff. Well, it is cute if I am the outsider. Being in that situation I feel really dumb. But, there’s always the best part in a great date (hell yeah it was by definition a great date).

In the end of our date… we were talking about piercings. I said to him once that  I was curious about how it feels to kiss someone with lip or tongue piercing. He has one, and he told me that he has been thinking about that. I know! I know! It’s obvious sign isn’t it? But we both… or at least I was too slow to understand what he was trying to say!! Forgive me about that! However, failing to conveyed his meaning, he finally told me that he wanted to ask me something, that he thought might be inappropriate for a first date.

Ah! Yes I just got that. (yes i was slow! happy?!!)

I told him *blush* *damn* *blush* that it might be appropriate.

And oh that moment was priceless. LOL. Seriously.

You would never guess that we were two adults who have been dating many times before. You would see two stupid junior high school, both waiting for a first kiss…

Which was great.

It was EPIC.

I can still feel the butterfly in my tummy.

I can still remember every second and enjoying it. I can still feel the goosebumps… and I remembered how I wanted more.

But that moment was perfect. GOSH.

.

*climb up a boat and shout out loud* I am the (noob) queen of the world!!!

 

Don’t Look Back In Anger

March 9, 2012

Really, Guys? Don’t Look Back In Anger?

The original version of Don’t Look Back In Anger was also sung by Noel Gallagher, so if you ask this one there’s nothing new in this song actually >_<

But apparently this is the favorite among voters… two voters actually lol…

 

enjoy

 

The Worst Feeling Ever

February 12, 2012

The worst feeling ever.

Well, that’s what I feel right now :)

And yes, I just put the happy face smiley there. I don’t know why I did it. Maybe I just don’t want to be seen that sad lol. It’s stupid, to be honest.

Anyway.

Remember when I told you about friendzone? Yeah apparently I was not totally right about it. You want to say something before I continue? Alright… Yes I was friendzoned just not so long time ago, so I know now.

The person that I like constantly talking about another girl. Constantly.

I might be happy if he does, but the problem is he seems not happy about it. Of course, if there’s no problem they won’t talk about it right? Actually I don’t mind listening anything he said…. It’s just bad.

If seeing him online makes me feel warm inside, and when he spoke to me it gave me tingling in my stomach… when he talked about the other girl it makes me feel the chill in my back. But the worst, when he said he wasn’t happy, it slightly makes me angry.

Can you imagine… You want a pizza (or pasta, whatever you like, basically any food you like the most). And you actually got the best pizza in the world. Lots of cheeses, thick toppings, lots of meats, warm and sliced just right. The pizza was only one inch from your mouth, but then you see someone you really really really care about, looking at you, your pizza, hungry.

So you said to him. Alright you can have my last slice of pizza. And you hoped deep inside he’ll share the pizza with you. But no.

He gave the pizza to someone else. He thought that person would share his pizza with him. But no.

She took the pizza. Bit a bit. Didn’t like it, and she looked him, saying she was on diet and just threw the rest to the trash can.

Change the pizza with your heart.

Worst feeling ever.