Monthly Archives: November 2011

Bitching Like A Byq


I finally got my period.

Well… I don’t know if it was an important matter or not, but last month I didn’t have mine so I was a bit cranky. It was like a prolonged PMS!

Actually, I have already known that I would have a very grouchy attitude. Well… not grouchy to be exact… I would be so bitchy. I would talk back whenever anyone talks and just disagree with everything just for the sake of it. If I am still active in a forum I might get banned or something for inflicting a fight. A flamer… that’s how we called people like that on the older days.

Anyhow, back to my PMS…

I actually got Denise crossed when we were in London. We were not fighting, but I remember her protesting my attitude. Which reminds me how Mr. Atheist said the same thing about two or three days ago. Which reminds me that Miiya said I was so annoying (I think she was just trying to soften it). Which also reminds me how the other friends reacted the same way…

So, when I chatted with si Onyed the other day (well… I will tell you how we’re doing later), I asked her how’s my bitchiness level when I’m having my PMS. She said it’s 8 out of 10.


I’ve been with her for more than four years and yet she’s still rate me that high? I can’t imagine how it would be for people who haven’t yet known me that well. I believe my bitchiness level raised significantly when I have my PMS… It was unthinkable because I know even when I wasn’t PMS-ing I bitch a lot already.

I hate PMS.

It’s not only about being emotionally drained when you’re having PMS, but it’s about maintaining in control. It’s worse than alcohol! It’s called hormones. It’s worse because you can’t control it in any way. You can’t control when and how much, you can’t control because you don’t know if you’re getting affected or not. At least when you’re drunk, you know you’ve been drinking… you understand that there’s a consequences. But, this? This is just because you’re a girl and you have to have this!

Anyway, did I bitch any comment in this blog? If I did, I am so sorry… I should have been able to be a better host 😦


We Are Not Londoners (3)


I think this is the part that most of the readers have been waiting for. I am so sorry to make you wait because I tend to talk about too many irrelevant things, and blabbering about unrelated stuff that actually makes the entries full of nonsense. Even the introduction of this entry has bored you already, huh?

Maybe I should just start now.


I just told you earlier that I won the competition. It was a one day experience of having a makeover and hair styling, and you will have a professional magazine photo shoot session for free. However, I just realized AFTER we book a session, that the image wouldn’t come for free. I think I have to make that clear, so that you won’t ask me for the pictures I took there.

Denise and I went there after a day strolling around the city. Well, we didn’t stroll actually, because London is a busy city and everybody walks so fast, you would feel so funny and slow if you just stroll. And we were late for the appointment, because it was not that easy to find the studio. We walked to the wrong direction, and just headed to the opposite way, so we needed to call them to get us to the right place. Silly…

We had to wait, because apparently there are lots of people in queue. There are about 3 groups before us, so we needed to wait for about an hour to get our make over session. The waiting actually wore us out a little, so when it came to my time getting a make over, I almost fell asleep. The make up artist laughed at me ( I hope she won’t get offended) because I did that.


It was not my first time getting a full heavy make up on my face, but I never found myself that pretty. In Indonesia, they have a completely different way to put make up on my face. I dare say, that in Indonesia they use a little more conventional way, so they apply the same method to everyone. Lucky for those with beautiful features on their face because they don’t need much correction, but some who needs correction won’t get the best result that way. Denise and I got a different style, so the make up artist treated us a bit differently too.

Mike is our photographer. He’s a skinny guy with a disturbingly sexy British accent. Denise said he’s cute, but he’s definitely not my type >_< He was a bit in a rush, probably because we were the last client, and it was Friday night! But he tried to be very helpful, knowing that these two Asian girls were not a professional model -_-‘ We got roughly 40 individual shots each, and around 20 double shot.

*talking about shot, it reminds me that I bought a shooter in London’s souvenir shop. It has my name on it!*

Our photos are nice. It’s too bad that we don’t have enough money to buy all of the images. Denise said, she would probably marry a rich guy, so she would take another session and next time she would buy the whole CD. LOL.

We Are Not Londoners (2)


We spent the night at Denise’s aunt’s house. She’s a really nice lady, with a very quiet husband and an even quieter daughter. It’s a bit funny to realize how she dominated almost all of our conversation. She has a really nice home, a small house like in the movies, with a bit of Asian and British touches here and there. Because the family only have two bedrooms, Denise and I slept on the living room. Which was more than enough for us.

It was a little bit late when we arrived in London, so we just went straight to their house. We spent hours talking with the aunt, while everyone else just do their own activity. I think it was part of their culture, you know? I might not be able to see things like this at home.

When you’re in the Eastern culture, you’re required to be there with your guests even you don’t know what you’re gonna do or say. But here, if you don’t have anything to say or ask, you just do your own business and that’s not considered impolite. Of course, it was a bit uncomfortable at first  to be in this situation, because I am not used to things like that. Fortunately, they were so nice to us so we felt welcomed in their house.

We stayed there for two nights, however we didn’t see the host so much because we do our own business. Again, I think it’s the different culture. In the Eastern, especially Asian.. or particularly my family’s culture, it is (almost) required for the host to accompany the guest everywhere. I prefer the British way of course, because sometimes it would be a little bit awkward to be there just for the sake of being there.

Anyway… I hope we didn’t cause them so much trouble.

London itself is still the same.

The difference was, I spent more time at the East London. The first time I came to London with Mr. Nottingham, I was experiencing the backpacker tourist’s walk in the Central London. Last Weekend with Denise, I experienced being the East Londoner.

Going to Canary Wharf is definitely one thing I would like to do again… but later probably in spring. It was too cold to go there in winter (or almost winter) like this, because the wind is so strong and you can die freezing there. I would like to go there in daylight too, because it would be nice to see the sunset in the river.

The kebab shop is surely somewhere I would go again to eat. Of course this time I would ask for the smaller portion because the last time I can’t finish the kebab. The size is twice as big as large Doner Kebab in Indonesia. And of course… the Malaysian Food stall that only open in Saturday would be the place to visit because of the delicious rendang. RENDANG! It’s been ages since the last time I had one.

What about the photo session? Well… I migh tell you about that later 😀

We Are Not Londoners (1)


Where were you Bybyq?

Yeah, I am so sorry I didn’t update the blog for the weekend. I am so sorry that I didn’t feed those hungry souls of yours. However, I am now back and I can tell you the whole story from the beginning.

Few weeks ago, I got a phone call from a professional photography studio in London, named Pierre Lemond photography, that I won a competition. I didn’t recall it at the first time because actually I entered the competition only by accident. Seriously. Me?

So, about two weeks before I got the phone call, I clicked on one of the ads on FB. The ads asked me whether I wanted to get a FREE make over, hair styling and magazine photo shoot experience? At that time, all I can see was the big “FREE” so I didn’t really understand whatever it was. I was just asked to fill the form, nothing else. So that’s it. I won that opportunity.

I was allowed to bring one friend with me. So, because I was in Denise flat when I got the call, I asked Denise to go with me. Of course she wanted to go, because things weren’t really smooth at her flat at that moment and she wanted a little weekend getaway. We booked a session for two of us and also two return tickets to London (with the cheapest transportation available).

Why didn’t I tell anybody about this?

It’s merely because I still unsure whether that was real or not. You know, all my life I never won any lucky draw or anything similar to that. So when someone called me and say I won something, it sounds unreal. I told Denise about my doubt, and she told me that if it is not for real, we can just go around London and have a weekend getaway without photo shoot. It would be as fun with or without the photo session, so I wouldn’t have to put so much thought about that.

So, the weekend came, and we went to London. Want to know what happened in London?

Good Web Hosting?


I hate my web hosting.

It was the second time in the last three days I couldn’t access my own blog. It was said in the screen that there was an error in accessing database, or something like that. I don’t care what happened but if there is a technical problem I believe I should have been informed at least 24 hour in advance.

Well, it is not a secret that the web hosting in Indonesia is considerably cheap, however it doesn’t mean I expected a cheap performance and lousy service, or does it? Do you, by any chance, chose the cheaper service because you expected less? You don’t, do you?

It would be very inconvenient, that I encountered this kind of technical difficulties when I was trying to blog more actively (post more regularly). The other problem for me is how it would affect my blog traffic. How can my reader come and enjoy what I’ve written carefully from the heart if they can’t even access to my blog? So what did I do?

Of course I couldn’t call them. As much as I want to call them and make some action like what Bedjo did when his blog was deleted by the Team Blogger, I couldn’t do that because I am in the UK and they are in Indonesia. Bugger! So I sent them ticket… like usual, this might be the 8th ticket I sent them this year alone, for the same problem.

And as usual, they will answer you like about 8 or 10 hour after your ticket has been sent with a simple reply like, “we have checked and it was okay. You can check again.” And when I checked, it’s already fixed! Of course! They fixed it first then tell me as if there were no problem at all.

If it was my first experience I might think it was my fault that I couldn’t access my own blog, but after some times I know that they were dishonest!

So, I just backed up all my data on the website while trying to get new web hosting, the one with better management. I will probably find some web host provider which located in the UK so I can just come to their office and make some scene if they cheated on me or something. You know… just in case. However, I haven’t been able to find the one that want… because apparently it’s not cheap at all >_<

I just want to have a professional service so I can have my blog running without problem. Anyone have suggestion?

Good Girl


Because of the last post, and the comment from AK, I remembered one of my eyeopening discussions with Mr. Atheist. It is about how guys like himself would rather chose a Cewek Baik, instead of Cewek Baik-Baik.

Well… I couldn’t just translate those two phrases, because I have to explain why he chose to use the phrases. First, in Indonesian language, sometimes the repetition of a word could make a huge difference in meaning, sometimes, it change not only the meaning but also the sense of it. Second, in Indonesian language, when an adjective is attached to a different noun it can completely change the meaning and the sense.

For example: Cewek (noun) is a slang for “girl” or “woman”. Baik (adj) means Good. Baik-baik (adj) also means Good, but in different sense. When they’re combined together, in google translator, both Cewek Baik-Baik and Cewek Baik are translated as “Good Woman”. But actually in Indonesian, Cewek Baik-Baik has the sense of reputability and respectability, while Cewek Baik emphasize more on the attitude or the kindness of the individuals.

Anyway, let’s leave the translation things to the translation students or the real translator, because that’s not the reason why I write this piece.

So, what I was going to write?

Oh… yeah!

One day, Mr. Atheist changed his status on BBM with: “a guy doesn’t need Cewek Baik-Baik, but (he needs) Cewek Baik”. I don’t know if this mindset is universal or just some people believes in this, but for me it makes sense.

I think this should be the consideration for people who wants to get married (not that I want to), that respectability is not everything. How many times we heard that a woman become the victim of domestic violence, with black and blue in her face, or worse, beaten to death by her husband, who… probably, a respectable guy, with a good job and came from a family with good reputation. How many times the arranged marriage ended up in this kind of situation?

Most of the time we’re blinded with image that has been made in the society. We were fed with the information about what’s considered good and what’s not, but we’ve never been given a chance to actually question the truth of it. Sometime we forget how easy it is to create an image in the society… Trust me, I am a communication student, I learned about image management… Now, even politician can create good image if they have a good PR team behind them…

But we’re not politician, aren’t we? We don’t want to be one of them… And we don’t want to be fooled with those images, do we? We know better… don’t we?

And They Said I Was A Bad Influence


That makes me smile a little.

When Denise and Shan told me that, I knew they were joking. But I started to realize that maybe someone out there, someone who doesn’t really know who I am, probably think that I might be a bad influence to them.

To be honest, I don’t really “stick to the norm” kind of person. I don’t do what my mom asked me to do and I actually do things she doesn’t want me to do. I admit I smoke, and even few days ago a mini hookah was sent to me. I drink, relatively a lot, which even it doesn’t make me a drunkard, it’s enough to make some people think I that I am.  I support homosexuality, even I can say I might be one of those people in the LGBT societies. I don’t really care about religion or beliefs, and even I don’t believe in those kind of things, and I tend to make fun of it.

Somewhere, of course it should take place where I wouldn’t be able to witness it with my own eyes, there are probably some people who believe that befriended with someone like me would give them a really bad influence. What? It makes sense!

I wanted to ask people who came to me for advice, “why do you come to me? Don’t you know what kind of person I am?” I mean, shouldn’t they be afraid they might get something bad from me? Maybe, they would get some contagious disease from me and go home as a atheist drunkard smoker lesbian?

Yes I was being cynical.

Many times, my parents told me not to get close to someone, or telling my sisters or brother not to befriend with someone else because they might give you a bad influence just because of what they’ve seen. Probably because they’re a gamer who spend most of their time on the internet cafe, or probably because they are children in a broken home family who go to school only to get scolded by teachers? Probably it’s because of how they look, how many piercings in their ears, and how bright they dye their hair, or how many visible tattoos on their body.

Don’t get together with the bad crowds. They said. Because for them, the crowd is the most important thing. They might not believe how good those people might be. How respectful what they did to stand up for their family and friends. They might not believe how smart they are when they talk about political stuffs, and how easy they blend in the society. They don’t know how talented they are in music, or how great they might be in business.

Some people just believe that the bad crowds are the bad influence.

I know some people would fall to the temptation for doing crime, which I might want to avoid. But, sometimes, they just need some chances to prove themselves to the world what they’re capable of. I am not talking about the criminals, I was talking about good people in bad crowds.

Do I believe in bad crowds? Well… I don’t.

Oh, No! Please Don’t!


One thing that I scared the most, especially when I was far away from home is: being sick. I hate being sick. When I was younger I got easily sick, I knew how it feels not to be able to do many things because you have to stay in bed. I knew how it feels to wake up at night to take a sip of cough syrup or worse: antibiotic powder. It sucks. That’s why I don’t like being sick.

What make it worse, when you’re sick and you’re away from home, you will start to feel that your misery is doubled. No one is going to take you to the doctor, or make you hot delicious (although you won’t be able to taste it when you’re really sick) chicken soup, or remind you when to take the pills. You will start to become a little bit (or much) more emotional, and you will probably do or demand emotional things. You will be a little bit (or much) needy, clingy, annoyingly needy and clingy. You even want someone who would stay up all night just to hold your hand…

Hush now! It wasn’t me talking. It was the sickness…

I hate being sick. I hate being sick and away from people that I care about. It is not a homesickness… It was the flu that makes it like I am being homesick. I don’t miss anything back home, I just… Sick.

2003, the first three months of my freedom, I fell sick because of the heavy study workload. I got a really high fever, and heavy flu, I couldn’t move from my bed, even to play solitaire in my computer (you can imagine how bad the flu was). I cried when the headache came at night, not because of the severe pain, nor the homesickness. I just wish I wasn’t there at my room alone. I was thinking life would be better if I wasn’t alone (and I was wrong).

There’s a reason why a sick person isn’t allowed to testify, or do an IQ test. A sick person has a sick brain, and a sick brain usually comes out with a sick idea. A sick idea sucks most of the time.

I hate being sick because even if my brain is alcohol-proof, but it is not sick-proof. When I got sick, my brain started to think about stupid things. And, you know how I hate being stupid, don’t you?

From the death-bed of the sick girl,


Good Luck Chuck!


Few days ago I got an invitation on facebook from one of my old acquaintance. I wouldn’t say “friend” because I have never actually befriended her. Not even after she had a relationship with one of my exes and tried to communicate with me. I am glad they got together though, because they’re getting married, I think in the end of this week.

It’s not something big for me knowing that my ex is getting married. My first ex got married last month, and this is actually my second ex. But when it happened it makes me think….


You know?

The other day I watched a movie titled Good Luck Chuck… Hey, before you continue reading, this is going to be full spoiler. So SPOILER ALERT! You might want to skip this entry if you haven’t watch this movie and want to watch it first before knowing the whole story….

Okay… So, in this movie, there’s a guy named Chuck. Whoever girl he made love to will get the love of her life and get married soon after him. Now, Two of my exes are married, I think the other two will follow their path real soon. Let’s see….

I am not feeling bad about this… It’s like bringing good things to people who was once close to me is nice too (see… I actually a really good person!). However, some people felt bad when their ex gets married, for several reasons. Maybe for Chuck, it’s because he feels that he would never be able to find the ‘one’… Maybe for Mr. Atheist is because of his ababil side… Maybe for Miiya it’s because she hasn’t yet let go… Maybe for someone else, it might be some other reasons.

For me…

It’s okay.

I am so happy now. It’s like “someone’s trash is someone else’s treasure”… I am glad that someone actually appreciate my trashes as their treasures… Wait a minute, why did it sound so bad? It was like I trash them >_< It’s a bad analogy, isn’t it?

Anyway… Good luck chuck doesn’t fit me well…. You know it sound so boyish. I don’t like being called chuck… Probably you should change it:


Buzzy Like A Bee


I hate bee… I killed a bee and cried because I was so scared its friends would come to me and kill me. Well, those bees didn’t come, and I won’t recommend you to watch anything about the killer bees, because it would just make you stupidly paranoid…

But yeah, I was quite busy lately. It’s nice to know that I still care to write a blog, eh? Well, writing is the only thing that keeps me sane in this hectic situation. I don’t want to complain about life but now I think 24 hour a day is not enough. Now I know why people said that studying in the UK needs a lot of work.

This is a work, Man!

First of all, this is almost the end of the term, and it’s like I haven’t finish any of my essays. I only have several weeks and I have trouble with my academic English. Hey, Byq, why don’t you just write your essay like you’re writing your blog? Because it is a c a d e m i c.

Today is one of those days. It has been three days since I actually wake up on time. I was a bit in rush lately because I couldn’t wake up as early as usual. And I have to eat breakfast because my mood would be ruined if I don’t. It’s so hard to keep the biological clock on time when you feel too tired to even wake up and start the day.

Shan told me earlier this evening that she saw me very “angry” (I can understand that she has a really limited English vocabulary, especially to explain a very specific emotion like “gloomy”) the other morning. I was really tired I couldn’t even focus on what I ate, and i didn’t listen to any of what she said. It happened again today.

Denise invited me to the coffee break with her friend, the Italian Musician. He’s actually so cute, but I think he’s as old as my mom, so let’s skip the crap. But I couldn’t focus to anything, because I was so tired, and it makes me feel so gloomy.

I actually burned my breakfast; something I never did before, even when I was a crappier cook. I made the sunny side the wrong way, it was totally a mess because this is the day when I need the SUNSHINE on my breakfast. And, I know right there and then, when the milk couldn’t help you boost your mood, I’m in the lowest point on my life.


I can’t wait until my Indonesian Cigarettes come and I will owe my life to Miiya.