Monthly Archives: December 2011

Dear You Again

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Hi you!

I am not gonna promise you this is going to be the last time I write to you like this, but I promise I will try my best to get over you. In fact, one of my unwritten New Year Resolution is to forget about you. Of course, not entirely. Most probably, forget the feeling that made me “galau akhir tahun” like this.

By this time next year, I will see your round bambi eyes with a totally different way. By this time next year, I would be able to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year directly to you. Probably via internet, but hey, chances are we’re not gonna see each other again face to face. So I think that’s the most possible way to talk to you, right? And of course, by this time next year, I won’t make this stupid letter again.

My dearest friend told me I need closure. With you. Do we need closure? Considering we never actually started anything, do we need it? I think I don’t have to make it your problem, since it is my problem. Although my friend said, what if you were actually waiting for me to make the first move?

Then, I’d be damned.

But I would never regret it.

Alright?

I almost forgot the last time we meet. Almost. But not close enough.
I still remember where we were. You were with your family and I was with my friends. I hoped I got your phone number, but no I didn’t. You seemed in hurry. You didn’t seem eager. I should back off.

With that in my head. The remembrance of our last contact would be the reminder to me that it is what it is. It was what it was. We were who we were.

Hey you, who made me “galau akhir tahun”. Thank you.

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Dear You

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Dear You,

 

It’s been years since the last time we talked, but I know you still remember me. I hope you do. But if you do, how come we never talk anymore? It’s kinda sad but, well… I hope you’re doing okay with your life.

You seem to be okay though… At least, that’s my assumption seeing your facebook page every time you got something new on your timeline (that’s what they call it now). That makes me sound like a stalker, but who cares? Do you? I believe you don’t mind if I take a look at your profile once or twice a week, just to catch up with your days… And you know what? You look even more and more beautiful each day.

I miss you.

Well, I didn’t know that I could feel something like this. I mean, I knew, but I didn’t knew that I would still feel it after years have gone by. I miss our little meaningless conversation. I miss our awes every time we found ourselves have done or bought something so similar. I miss having you being around… I miss your Macaroni Schotel. I made a penne schotel for this Christmas party with my friends, but it’s nothing compared to your macaroni schotel.

I mean it.

How come we never talk anymore?

It crosses my mind every time I looked at your picture on facebook. Seriously. How come?

It’s like we got so close and suddenly everything’s gone. Was it when I changed school? Was it after that? And why?

I don’t know your reason, but mine is a bit different.

I can’t be close to you because it would be complicated. It would be complicated for me, and especially for you. And, moreover it’s you, and I don’t want to complicate us because what we had was so beautiful. Beautiful enough to make me back off and let everything like it is. I don’t want to ruin it.

I don’t want to confuse you. Especially, at that moment I was confused myself. And probably, the one who brought the confusion was you. Because you were around and gave me the feeling I didn’t know would ever existed.

And again, it’s complicated because it was you.

If it was someone else, it might be easier. It could be so much easier.

Anyways, it doesn’t even matter anymore. Since we don’t talk, there’s nothing to be worried about.

I might still see you once in a while on facebook. I might enjoy your pretty picture with some cheeky comments on it. I could have a look a little bit longer if the feeling stroke again. I might get a little bit stung when you said something I never expected. However, it wouldn’t change a thing between us.

Not that I don’t want thing to change. I want it.

I mean, I want you to talk to me again. I want to connect with you like we used to. I might change my mind about relationship if it leads somewhere else, but… Yeah.

Anyway… I don’t know what you’re doing today, right now. But I hope you enjoyed your holiday. I believe you did a great job this year and you’ll rock even more next year.

Merry Christmas and Happy New year 🙂

 

Love,

BYQ

And Then There Was The Party…

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I would be lying if I said that the party was epic, and the biggest party at this year. Seriously. Although it can be said that it might be the biggest house party I’ve ever attended in the UK, but still I know that it is far from festive. However, this party was definitely memorable.

It was only people who we know. And who knows us. People who, actually connected by destiny. It sounds stupid but let me explained to you how we know each other.

I met Amy at the first day, and Denise at the second day. I introduced her to each other later, and apparently, Amy used to live at Denise ex-flat. Sheila is my flatmate, and Rosie is Denise flatmate, and apparently they are studying the same course with Yumi-San (who lives in the same building as I do)! Windy is my classmate, and she’s a friend of Denise’s Thai flatmate. There’s a connection between all of us.

Weird.

A little bit creepy indeed.

And yeah, the party went so smooth. For them. Because for me it was a bit torturing, my stomach was acting up all day, so I felt really sick and wanted to throw up almost all the time. Not food poisoning definitely because all of us ate the same thing. I would say it’s the bloody PMS stroke again.

The food was crazy! I mean, I can’t imagine those girls could actually ate that much and still able to take down all the desserts. Like… seriously girl, what kind of stomach you guys have?!

The conversation was crazy as well, we laughed and Denise decided that we came from different generation. Those from the gen X and those from gen Y. I don’t see the differences, because for me, I can still relate to both of them. It’s them who can’t relate to me, and how I write everything here. LOL. Seriously, they might not know that I write everything (or almost) here in my blog. Even if they know that I have a blog, they might not get interested in it.

Anyway, we laughed a lot! In the middle of the evening, some of the girls go home earlier. Probably because they’re so tired, and they might want to connect to their family back home. I don’t really see Christmas as a big thing, so I didn’t do that. Later at night we moved to Amy’s house… because it’s warmer there.

It was another craziness.. Denise and I did a overnight makeover to Amy and it made Amy looks so much different. I think we have to do it more often to many people. And get some money out of it.

Of course, like usual, I got in a hot discussion and a debate with Denise. Now the funny part is, because Denise and I argued a lot, we’re actually okay with it. We don’t actually take everything personally, but Amy is not like us, in the sense of perceiving arguments. She sensed the tension in the arguments, in the middle of the debate she always tried to mitigate, and moderate the discussion. It’s so funny when she tried to find softer words to make us feel better, and it suddenly made me burst out laugh.

“Denise? Do you realize what she was trying to do? It’s just a really good example of how the collectivists dealing with arguments in group…”

Anyways… It’s the boxing day. I should have gone to London, but I don’t feel very well. My stomach was still acting up until past midnight, so I don’t want to push it. After all, there were no bus to take me to the city bus station anyway… and I still have to wander off in London by myself. I still have lots of thing to do later at 4th of January…

The Christmas Eve: Opening Party

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So it’s decided that today, Denise and I would hold a party for everyone here. Not the thing that I li actually, the crowds. But Denise looked so excited about this party so, why not?

Among many who are invited, I doubt half of them actually celebrating Christmas. Probably only two or three of them actually care about what Christmas is, and the rest… probably cares more about the food or the drink, or just the party so they don’t feel so alone here. Doesn’t matter anyway.

Last night, Denise told me that Amy was around, and would be able to come to the party. Amy is the Chinese girl (who’s surprisingly more western that some of us), that helped me the first day I arrived here. She’s the one who gave me my first mobile phone number and well… actually one of the best people in this university. She invited us to her flat, which made us in awe because it was so much better than ours.

Me, and Yumi-San (the Japanese Girl who lived in the same building), looked at it with total jealousy. Our room was only half her bedroom.

But Amy just pour us more and more drink, which eventually makes us happier and happier and talked more and more. And somehow in the conversation we talked about religion (Oh gosh).

This is what I don’t like about talking about religion with people who don’t really understand. It’s not that I understand all of the stuff, but at least when I said something I had a ground theory that support my opinion. At least that’s how the scientific method works in any discussion. But, talking with girls, sometimes made me in awe because they don’t care about those kind of things…

Most of girls remind me of my Mom. They can follow something blindly, or half blindly, without knowing what’s behind it. They don’t care about how it works, and how it started, and who do what and when and why… Simply put, they don’t believe in history. And yeah, just like my Mom, most of the girls I know are bad at History and Geography.

I don’t think History and Geography might be the most important thing in life, but it is definitely not something that you can just neglect after school. I mean, I’ve been reading history and geography since I was in the elementary school, so I don’t understand what’s going on in those girls head… But Amy was different.

When the discussion led to religion stuff… We started to compare the American and the British attitude towards religion. Off course we know (not exactly how), that it has something to do with why some of the British people went to the land of America for the first time. When I said that to Denise and Yumi-San, Amy just shout:

“Mayflower”

Amy and I had a little chat about that, and suddenly Denise asked us: “How do you guys know about that kind of stuff?”

I was a bit tempted to reply with: “How do you not know about this kind of stuff?”, but Amy said t was the readings we had when we were at school.

Fortunately the conversation moved into other things. Like, Amy doesn’t believe in God (It makes me wonder if “doesn’t believe in God” and “believes in no God” is the same thing?). That Yumi-San wanted to go to Cambridge. That Denise thought the cute saxophone street musician in Cambridge is not cute, against the normal believe that he’s totally a hottie.. And so on.

What about today?

The party would be started in 3 hours. It means I have to get ready. I’ll keep it updated…

 

Cheers~

The Fatty I Love

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I don’t understand why these Indonesian people loves giving bad nickname for people that they love. Of course the meaning is not bad when you’re giving nicknames to each other because you love this person, but what the hell…?

Today I read the Facebook status of my friend’s wife. She said, “I am so lucky to have Si Gendut.”

Once again. What the hell? Gendut means Fat, Man!

I just realize that not only her, but I think most girls kept giving names like that to people that they care about. When I was toddler, one of my aunt also called me with this kind of nicknames. When I was with si Onyed, she called me with “Chubby”, which means… fat. I didn’t do better, I should admit. Sometimes, I called her with “Bodoh” which means “stupid”.

Why insulting someone else’s physical appearance could be a love expression?

Does that mean that you call him/her with that way, shows you that you love him/her more? Does it mean that if you destroy someone else’s self confidence shows that you care about him/her more? Are you trying to say that “oh, even if you’re fat i love you still”? Are you trying to knock down his/her spirit so you can came up with this heroic “I’ll save you Dear” action?

I just realized that I hate that expression.

In the other side of the world, when you like someone, you’d give a better designation. You showed the affection with the good things that you feel. You’re either gonna call her/him: sweet heart, sweet pie, love, honey, hunny bunny… or worse, “baby”. But not “fat” or “chubby”, or maybe “stupid”.

I know that in Indonesia, giving sweet name to the person you love would sound so stupid. Sometimes cheesy. Or… almost all the time unnecessary. But how hard is it to NOT calling something that would build up a bad self concept in someone’s mind? Is this Asian kind of thing? No wonder many Indonesians are engaged with obsessive diet and become so defensive about jokes, their self confident are ruined by people that they care about.

Anyways…

I was just wondering. Nevermind.

 

Cheers ~

The Non-Negotiables

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Okay… I might have some problems with girl talk. I might not be able to react the way they want me to react but, fortunately somehow I can find some girl who actually girl talk with less fluctuating emotion. Still… the topic is so girly, I can even find some very girly topic like dating sites from her…

And one day, while talking about a guy who might get interested in her, she told me why she doesn’t like him. It’s something that non-negotiable for her like the attitude, the non-gentleman treatment he gave, the mindset… I think it’s almost everything that’s not physical in him is not pleasing her. And she asked me what’s my non-negotiable…

Although I answered it with a laughter, it actually made me think. Maybe it’s not about finding a perfect partner, because relationship is out of question for now. But I think it is more about what kind of people I want it my life. Being far from people that I’ve known for a long time, starting a lot of new contacts made me reformulate the idea of what kind of people I actually want to connect with.

If before, I have already attached with some people because of the friendship we have already built for years, this is the time to start new things. In which I don’t have to deal with things I don’t like. Things that non-negotiable. I don’t have to be burdened with the attachment and the social responsibility to maintain a relationship just for the sake of maintaining it.

So I made a list of 5 top things that for me is non-negotiable in no particular order:

1. Humor

Denise suggested this to me because I said to her that I lost patience to my flat supervisor because he answered my humorous e-mail with a very plain reply. I also can’t take people who can’t take joke as a joke and those who don’t know how to throw a good joke and try to hard by quoting dry jokes from the forwarded messages and e-mail.

It is important for me to be able to laugh at things no matter how bad it is. Dry joke only worsen my day, and it would automatically bring the bitch out of me.

2. Brain/Knowledge

Of course I need brain! I am a zombie! Well… I don’t know where’s the idea the brain eating zombie came from, but I think that’s rubbish! But yeah… I do need brain.

I like to talk. From this blog, you might have noticed I like to talk about lots of things and it’s important for me to have someone who can keep up with my random topics. It’s not easy though… But brain could make you go further in the relationship with me. Sure.

3. Appreciation for Education

I am okay with self learner. I appreciate and somehow in awe with people with the ability to learn everything by themselves. I appreciate their ability to pick things up from what they see or heard, but it doesn’t mean they have to be a jerk.

I hate people asking us (who’re pursuing our degree) with questions like: why do you have to work so hard for your degree, it won’t make you rich. Or why do you have to study so hard it won’t be used in our daily life? And mocking the education.

Damn, dude! I know that education system in our country might be a mess right now. But that’s why I want to study hard. To change things, not just being a skeptic jerk like y’all. So… this is a non-negotiable for me.

4. Faithfulness

Of course. After a long talk about commitment you should have known that this kind of trait would make it into the big five, right? I have problems with people who cheat. I don’t have to repeat the whole post about commitment and the fine line between cheating and non cheating here.

And it’s not always about you partaking in this situation, but also how you see this concept of faithfulness. If you see this thing is unimportant, I should say that it won’t work…

5. Emotional stability

I hate people who whine, self pitying (throwing pity party invitation to everyone they meet), self blaming for bad things that happened around them (and the world) and those who can pick a fight on the road while stuck at a traffic jam. Seriously.

I know I can be moody and bitchy, thus I don’t need the same creature which would just make me worse. Come on! I don’t need someone who’s constantly happy, it makes me neurotic as well, but I don’t need people dragging me to their depression area. Emotional stability is crucial for me, so it’s a non negotiable.

LOL. Of course there are some others non-negotiable, but hey… I only have five slots for the big five, right?

The First Snow

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How do you celebrate your first snow?

Some would go outside. Some would take a picture of them. Some, like me, stay in the room, shivered, and sneezed non stop. That’s the flu.

It’s getting more and more freezing here. And it’s been few days snowing outside. Not a heavy snowfall, but still it was snowing. Even in one morning it left some traces on the street which I should admit… pretty.

But the problem I have is, the flu.

You don’t need to know me long enough to know how easy I fall sick. Even the only thing I asked AK to bring here when she’s coming next week is a pack of Tolak Angin. Yes… Tolak angin.

I don’t know how am I going to survive this winter.

Yes, I was exaggerating.

Okay… Now let me just start over with this entry, Okay?

The snow fell several times lately. It was beautiful but it’s so cold outside I couldn’t go and buy some food. Fortunately there are some times when the sun shining brightly and it wasn’t too cold so I can get out for a while.

The cold weather actually makes you want to eat more, that’s what Denise said. I just worried it’s going to make me fat. I’ve never been skinny myself, so it’s so easy for me to get fat in this winter time. I hope I can control myself and limiting snacks. Spending so much time in your room makes you want to snack more. Bad idea.

The problem is, after the essay, I still have Tribalwars to do. Which, quoting to one of a player I met there: “Chain you on your computer” and “eat you and your social life away”. How dangerous. No one actually said anything about making you a snack addict, because a game addict is bad enough (probably).

I tried to have a little bit of social life on the kitchen. Some of the girls have already left, giving me a little bit hope of a better life. Seriously, I am so happy that for the next three weeks, I can co-own the kitchen with Shan. Of course I can count Celia in as well, but she’s not cooking as much as we do!

What am I going to do this winter break? I am not sure…

Windy told me that the research proposal for the PhD scholarship should be submitted in the end of January. And she just told me last week! I might want to spend the winter break writing a proposal… And it might be the right time to contact Ike, and ask how the hell am I going to write a PhD research proposal… Ike if you read this… please… say something >_<

Oh… I think the snow is falling again…

Dear Byq…

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I was in the middle of having an email-chat with Denise when suddenly she said that I talk like a self-help columnist in a woman magazine. Oh dear… I was talking about making my own self help book before, wasn’t I? So, I just told her that perhaps I need to write in a column in a magazine for real then…

She said something about writing in a column is better than blogging but I wasn’t offended. Just assume that she didn’t know how the blogsphere could influence so many thing in this world (and how a blogger can be so popular…). Anyways…

Denise came out with the idea that people can write to me and asking me a problem solving for their life complication if I write on a magazine. Of course, I argued that I would still be able to have a “Dear Byq” section in this blog. Right?

I literally burst into laughter when I said that.

Why?

Well… I might sometimes came with a good idea, or brilliant idea… or sometimes super genius (yes I am a narcissist). But it doesn’t mean I know everything (a very modest narcissist). I might be able to answer a thing or two about life, especially if it’s related to my experiences. I might be able to answer a thing or two about communication problems (because it is what I am studying). I might be able to give a perspective about a relationship problem (not my expertise though). But still… it doesn’t mean I am a walking encyclopedia, or a shrink… (Hey! If you’re a in a really deep mental problem or depression, you might need a real shrink instead of reading this, you know?)

And most of the time, I could be in a really bad mood I become a real bitch to everyone. I can make a happy person sad, and a sad person depressed. I can even make a depressed person suicidal. But of course, I can make someone who need a punch in the face and a hardcore wake up call awake and realize the real life they’re facing here. Some people came back to me after I bitched them to thank me for opening their eyes. Some just go and never come back, I just hope they didn’t commit suicide.

So,

As much as I want to be a busybody, I don’t want to make the impression that I am a problem solver. I am not perfect. Almost. But no, I am not…

I won’t start giving up my e-mail address though. If I want to make a Dear Byq real, I still have to think about it better 😀

 

Cheers ~

The Inactives

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I think it’s been so long since the last time I post something about Tribal Wars. I am quite surprise that there are some people that came here because of the the TW post I made before, and more surprisingly they actually were trying to find out how to know whether a player is active or not.

Apparently, player’s activity might be a very crucial point in this game. If you’re not active for a few days it’s guaranteed that you would lose your village, a.k.a getting nobled. That’s why some really serious and strict tribe leaders kick their inactive members or just label them as “farm” so their tribe mates can just pick any resources from that particular member.

There are at least three ways that I know how to detect inactive players.

1. The easiest way to check whether your neighbor is active or not is by sending him a mail.

You see, when you send him a mail, you can check whether he open it or not. With an assumption, if he’s active and online, he’ll check his mail and even if he doesn’t reply you’d still be able to know whether he’s checking his village or not.

However, this is a little bit tricky because some more experienced player might detect your move and use this trick to get back to you.

2. Tribalwarsmap.com

I got this link from my TW Tutor in W17. I was a noob and I was told that this is one of the best tools you can use in getting your way in TW. First, you can use it to have a bigger map and you can calculate attack time using the map. Most of all, you can detect inactive villages around you using this map.

Yeah! It’s more effective. The downside is you have to keep checking because it’s not real time. It’s refreshed once in a while.

3. Be a tribe leader

There’s a privilege, of course, for being a leader on your tribe. You will be able to see whether your members are active or not. We called the inactive. The red dot.

Yellow dot is a warning. Red means you’re a farm or kicked.

If you’re never a tribe leader, you might never know this, but since I was… Well, I am not bragging myself. I need to learn more because I think there are lots of new features in this game now.

Anyways…

You can always detect inactive players from the pace of the progress. The too-slow progressed player usually not active enough, or just don’t know how to play this game. Either way, you can always kill this kind of player. Even if you’re focusing on troops the too-slow is too slow!

Well, if you’re a TW player, good luck. If you’re in w60, we might see each other there…