Monthly Archives: February 2012

Happy Valentine’s Day (2)

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To the north.

It’s getting colder and colder while we’re getting closer to the North. After spending one night with a really good sleep in Newcastle I found my cool again. Feel relaxed, and happy. However, it wasn’t last long, because once the train reached Edinburgh, I started to feel the anxiety and excitement.

I took a look at every faces there, and tried to remember each one. Trying to make sure they’re also coming to the concert I am going to. Really. I took my ‘Noel Gallagher limited edition music magazine’ out just to see their reaction. Nobody reacted.

Of course.

How can I get that magazine?

Well…

Apparently waiting for 3 hours in Norwich railway station made me bored to hell. So I went to a bookstore there, planning on window shopping just to kill time. And since I was never a magazine reader, I thought there were no harm on looking on the magazine section. Lucky me, I saw that magazine, and it was only few exemplars left. I can imagine in ten or twenty years it would be hunted by collectors. And by that time, I already own one.

Ha ha!

Anyway… where was I?

Oh.

The Aberdeen railway station is integrated with the Union. I don’t know what’s the Union is. I think it’s some kind of plaza, because I can see lots of cafes and shops there. And there were lots of people. Scottish. And they’re cute. However, it’s not because of their cuteness, but the crowd made me lost.

Tried google mapping and it was said that the guest house I am going to spend the night at located not so far from the railway station. But, when I decided to walk there, suddenly it becomes too far and to be honest I lost my direction every time I stopped at the crossroad. So, I went back to the railway station and took a taxi.

Costly.

But I didn’t want to waste time. I had to get prepared to watch the concert, didn’t I? So I met the very friendly taxi driver. He told me that it wasn’t snowing there at Aberdeen while it was snowing all over the country. Impressive isn’t it?

The guest house I stayed in was Jay’s Guest House. It is a medium size house with a very beautiful decoration inside it. My room was very warm and comfortable. The bedding was a little bit girly, but I love it (of course, it’s pink!). They don’t have bath tub, but the bathroom was so clean and pretty. Everything there was pretty. And it was like coming from other part of the world. I almost instantly decide that I love Scotland and would love to stay there forever. Too bad it was only a short visit.

The gust house is owned by The Jennings. They were really nice. Of course at the first day I only met Alice Jennings, she was the one who greeted me and showed me the room. But, I had made some correspondence with George before because he was the one who answered my email when I booked the room. Love them so much, maybe I would just go there again if I had time.

Okay, apart from the hugeness of the railway station, Aberdeen is apparently a small town. Didn’t see so many people around. But think about it again, maybe it’s because of the location where I live which made it feels that way. Why? Well, because I just knew that my guesthouse was located just opposite the cemetery.

 

Happy Valentine’s Day (1)

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It’s late but who cares?

Shut up if you do.

So yeah.

I’ve been planning for my perfect Valentine’s Day this year, since this year might be the end of the universe, so I think I should just make the most of it, shouldn’t I? I managed to buy one ticket for Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Bird concert in Aberdeen (keep in mind that it would take more than 8 hours from Norwich to reach Aberdeen). And, also buy a dress, cute one from ZARA to be worn on that occasion. Yes I am a fan, sue me!

I went there Monday afternoon. I was too excited so I came to the railway station three hours earlier. Waiting there was kind of boring, but I managed to amuse myself by memorising the songs I would love to hear on the concert. Surprisingly I met Luisa there. She was with her partner and her baby girl Bianca. It means now I have met all of her family members, because I met the older girl when she came here to visit few weeks ago.

Okay, that was my second time using the train to travel. The first time doing it alone. The last time I used the train was when my flatmates and I went to Cambridge, and it was four of us. Travelling solo for the first time (using train) gave me both excitement, and anxiety. Every time the train was moving, I always wanted to scream, “Aaaargh! You know what? I am travelling solo just to see my lovely Noel Gallagher! In Aberdeen! Aberdeen, can you believe it?”

But, no I didn’t do it, of course. It would be too outrageous.

From Norwich you had to change the trains three times to Aberdeen. First one the train from Norwich to Peterborough, and then from Peterborough to Newcastle, and then from Newcastle to Aberdeen. It was a fun ride though.

I stopped at Newcastle in the middle of the night, and should continue the journey the day after. It was crazy because I thought there would be a place to sleep in the station but there wasn’t, so I walked a little and found out that not so far, there is a hotel to stay. Of course, more expense, but hey I was in the Valentine’s Day mood, so the hell with it (I just need to cut the clothing budget, lunch budget, alcohol budget, and stop buying doritos for the next three months, don’t you think?)

Anyway, the hotel was nice. Surprisingly nice. It was clean, with a large bed (which I missed so much) and also the bath tub (which I also miss a lot). I took the opportunity to soak in the hot tub and release my fatigue. I paid for it, I should enjoy it!

The journey continued.

 

 

A Little Update Before I Start Again

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Of course I don’t just quit this blog like that. I know it’s been awhile since the last time I posted, so before I proceed I should give a little update (and actually some highlights of the months so I remember what I needed to post).

– Valentine’s Day

It was great. And to be honest it was the best Valentine’s Day ever. ┬áI don’t need an arguments, and if someone like Amy believed that Valentine’s Day should be spent with someone special, then it’s her opinion. And just for the record, Noel Gallagher is more than special, don’t you think?

– Weekend trip to Leeds

It was definitely a stress reliever. Go there solo travelling, and get as much as I wanted. Be a little bit cultured, and I think I just achieved one of my New Year target ­čÖé

Yes.

After feeling so down in the beginning of this month, I just needed some mood booster. And had one, and it was fantastic. Got crazy weekends afterwards, of course not everything went smoothly like what I wanted, got all my troops smashed at Bev’s tiny villages. Made me want to throw my goddamn laptop out of my window. Luckily I remembered that she’s just not worth it. TW life is a little bit more gloomy that I was expected, and yes, I will tell you about that later too.

School life? Ah yeah…

About that.

Well, now it doesn’t sound really convincing, does it? I mean, I like being at the class, it’s fun because we basically talked about things that we passionate about. But the assignments are pain in the bottom. And now, since the deadline is approaching… What should I do?

So that’s the summary of the last two… or three weeks. Be back soon with all the details.

 

Cheers~

 

The Worst Feeling Ever

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The worst feeling ever.

Well, that’s what I feel right now ­čÖé

And yes, I just put the happy face smiley there. I don’t know why I did it. Maybe I just don’t want to be seen that sad lol. It’s stupid, to be honest.

Anyway.

Remember when I told you about friendzone? Yeah apparently I was not totally right about it. You want to say something before I continue? Alright… Yes I was friendzoned just not so long time ago, so I know now.

The person that I like constantly talking about another girl. Constantly.

I might be happy if he does, but the problem is he seems not happy about it. Of course, if there’s no problem they won’t talk about it right? Actually I don’t mind listening anything he said…. It’s just bad.

If seeing him online makes me feel warm inside, and when he spoke to me it gave me tingling in my stomach… when he talked about the other girl it makes me feel the chill in my back. But the worst, when he said he wasn’t happy, it slightly makes me angry.

Can you imagine… You want a pizza (or pasta, whatever you like, basically any food you like the most). And you actually got the best pizza in the world. Lots of cheeses, thick toppings, lots of meats, warm and sliced just right. The pizza was only one inch from your mouth, but then you see someone you really really really care about, looking at you, your pizza, hungry.

So you said to him. Alright you can have my last slice of pizza. And you hoped deep inside he’ll share the pizza with you. But no.

He gave the pizza to someone else. He thought that person would share his pizza with him. But no.

She took the pizza. Bit a bit. Didn’t like it, and she looked him, saying she was on diet and just threw the rest to the trash can.

Change the pizza with your heart.

Worst feeling ever.

To What Extent?

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I don’t have many friends. I do know a lot of people, but friendship is a commitment as well, isn’t it? It would take me awhile before I decide if someone is my friend or not. However, once I consider someone as a friend of mine, it is not so easy for me to just neglect them whenever bad things come. Yes, I do have this bloody superhero syndrome, and I am struggling with that *facepalm*.

Anyway…

I don’t want to spoil someone else’s story, but I just want to explain what went on few weeks go. So, I was talking to this friend on facebook chat, she was so low because of her academic problem. She was very low, so at that moment, the only right thing to do is to invite her over so she can talk and I can comfort her… a little. Yes, I sacrifice my game! So that should counts. She was so happy when I invited her to come because she didn’t want to be alone at that moment, and I was the only one who offered a talk.

She went on with heart to heart talk, said she couldn’t talk to anyone about her feeling because she thought people doesn’t care. Well, maybe they really don’t care, but it wouldn’t help if you kept thinking that way, would it? Anyway, I told her, if anything happens, she can always talk to me.

The next day, she asked me to go out to the city center. Two days after she called me and asked me if I was free. Few days afterwards we talked on skype, and then she found out I was going to go to Noel Gallagher’s concert (which I bought about three months before I even talked to her about her problems). Later that I know from Denise that she was disappointed that I didn’t ask her to go with me.

“She said if anything happens I can talk to her, but she didn’t ask me to go to Noel Gallagher’s concert with her”.

Is that even make sense?

It wasn’t the first time I had this “friendship went too far” experience. It happened many times actually. I offered a friendship and these girls just don’t know where to stop. Am I a chick magnet or something? Well, if I am I will take that as a compliment, but if I don’t, what’s wrong with me?

A female friend was a bit pissed with me because I “left” her on a party. First, it wasn’t a real party. Second, she went there with another friend and not only with me. I didn’t leave him alone or whatsoever, but for her I was abandoning her. This sensitivity I don’t have. And that kind of attitude; the clingy, needy behavior, I don’t understand. They are strong women I can see, but when I was there, they want me to… argh. They need boyfriends I guess, I was replacing that figure (which I also don’t understand how that makes sense).

I am not a bad friend. I believe that. Apart from my┬áMachiavellian┬átendency, I know that I can go to your house in the middle of the night if you needed my help. I can abandon things that I like, like my game if you said to me you were feeling low and you need someone to talk. I can pick up the phone, no matter how hesitate I am talking on phone, when you call just to make sure you’re alright. I will listen no matter how boring your love life story, and if you ask I might give you idea, sometimes the brilliant ones (I am a narcissist, so deal with it).

However, I am not that kind of friend.

You can come to me to talk about your problem, but it does not┬ánecessarily┬ávice versa. I mean, I don’t get the idea how come you expect me to talk to you if you don’t even know how to solve your problem yourself? I might just go to a professional or if I just need to vent I will write it here. Sorry for that but, hey… That’s how I deal with most of my problems. Doesn’t mean I don’t talk to friends at all… I do, but to some extent.

I don’t go out with friends on daily basis. I know some (Asian?) girls do this. They shop together, eat together everyday, go to campus together in group, and that’s how define close friends. I don’t do that. Chances are I go to the city centre without telling you anything, or go to a concert by myself, and it doesn’t change my friendship with you. I don’t think I have to report all my activities to a friend, that’s absurd. Isn’t it?

I like companionship, but I am not marrying that.

An Excuse :p

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Alright, I know it’s a bit immature to put that smileys on the title, but I can’t help it. So let’s just move on from the title and let it go.

I know this month I didn’t post as much as I expected before. Not that I don’t want to, you know how this blog has become a part or my life. The problem is that I can’t write.

Don’t blame TW. I can find time to write while waiting for my troops back and forth farming. I just can’t write anything. For few days. I felt so much pressure in me, and I guess you can see it from the letter I wrote myself (or something like that). I think, in many aspects of my life.

I just have made some decisions, big ones, like I think I have to postpone my PhD. It is impossible for me to write a real good proposal right now. I only ┬áhave seven days left and I am not yet come up with a fixed topic. I don’t want to just pick any topic just because I want to do a PhD. I need to do things that I like, because I know that’s the only way it would work (or so they told me). At the same time, there are lots of things going on with my study, like my projects for Alain’s class, an essay for Clive’s class, and a topic for dissertation to decide. It’s going to be very busy, and i am sure as hell I don’t need more of those.

Romance? Oh… this is killing me. Especially lately.

I mean, after my parents know that I went out with this nice person, my mother just over reacted. Basically, everyone who knew I went out with this man over reacted *sigh*. I know he’s mature, and nice, and with his all quality, I know he’s good. But, just because he has all the qualities which are expected doesn’t mean I will instantly like him, right? The problem was, it’s like almost everybody tried to push me to that direction without actually gave me some time to assess my own feeling. Until few days ago I wasn’t sure about it… even now i am not sure about it, but somehow it seems people are so rushed…

So I’d rather back off.

I mean, come on. Since I had my second meeting with him, people who knew this have been constantly asking me about “the progress” and “the next date”. They insisted that watching movie was a date, which for me… come on! I watched movie with my guy friend before. Yes, only two of us. It was a movie. And it wasn’t a date, you can confirm to them if you want to. I can, of course, let them think whatever they want to think, but it gave me so much pressure. It made me cautious all the time. What if I led him on? What if I hurt someone?

What if I just want to be friends?

Friendship? Well… yeah they always gives me pressure as well.

Denise told me that Chu was pretty pissed off because I didn’t ask her to go to Noel Gallagher’s concert with me. WTF. Okay… explaining this would take the whole entry, so I will continue it next time. I need to sleep you know…

Kitchen Goddess You Said?

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I am inspired by Soe’s post about woman and cooking. Basically she was questioning the society’s expectation for women to be able to cook. As if, cooking skill is a requirement for a good partner and good parent. Some comments on her blog post weren’t really pleasing, and she said that the particular blog was linked to one of the biggest community forum in Indonesia. Since she didn’t give me the link, I tried to browse myself, and instead of finding what I wanted, I was directed to the thread talking about whether a girl should be able to cook.

Most of the respondents said that they want their partner to be able to cook. Most of them believe that cooking is a natural gift for females, and girls who claimed themselves can’t cook are either lazy and spoiled or feminists who against nature. Only few believes that cook or not cook is personal choices, but these opinions were undoubtedly bashed. Most of the respondents also said that they would only marry a girl who cook. And of course as the closure they condemn girls who don’t cook (and again using the same reason: spoiled or against nature).

Don’t get me wrong. I love cooking.

I started to learn cooking more seriously (but not professionally) since I got here, so it’s been months already. I love cooking more than I love eating, which is a little bit weird in my opinion. I cook when I’m feeling low, or depressed. It is fun, it distracts me from the negative emotions I felt, and actually it would be so much better if someone that I care about eat it and appreciate it. It would just double the joy. I love cooking, and I know that it’s not everybody. While I enjoy every second of it; washing, preparing, cutting, mixing, tasting, smelling… for Celia, it was pain in the bottom. And I can totally understand that.

In addition to that, it seems that cooking gave me the popularity in facebook. I mean, after I posted some of my cooking creation, people started to comments and they actually… hm… Back to what Soe proposed earlier on her blog, somehow in Indonesia, men like girls who cook. I constantly get these “marriage proposals” from guys and, “you will be a really good wife/mother” from girls. It’s good basically…

However, as much I enjoy cooking, I hate what comes with it. I hate washing up dishes. I hate it because it makes my hand and nails dry. I hate touching the oily plates with my fingers, and I hate scrubbing the pan. I hate when the water sprayed my face because of the stupid spoon. And, what I hate more, those boys who proposed to marry me because they want me to cook for them never, even once, offered their help to wash the dishes. What a selfish bastard!

See?

I am not going to discuss this from the feminist point of view, let it be Soe’s job. I love cooking, I wouldn’t mind cooking for anybody. In fact, I occasionally invited friends to my flat just for lunch or dinner, and I will cook the whole things. So I don’t have any problem with that. But, if offering to wash the dishes in return didn’t even cross your mind, how can you expect me to be happy cooking for you all the time? Who’s gonna wash those fuken dishes? Unless you buy me that bloody dishwasher, or hire me someone to scrub those pans…

Or just simply a nice gesture and wash those for me.

So, just a suggestion guys… You expected a girl to cook for you? What would you give in return? *wink*

 

Just A Letter

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Dear Bybyq,

Hi girl! I heard you screwed everything there. I knew you would, and I am so glad you did. It just proved me that I was never wrong. Probably I will never wrong in the future, but let’s see.

So how’s life? Okay, I knew you screwed, but apart from your fucked up crazy little flings, I think you’re doing quite well, weren’t you? I mean, you still had this okay grades from your so-so essays. You can still cook some craps, and smoke although you’re basically running out of cigarettes. See, if anyone would send you cigarettes, but I am not sure about that because nobody cares if you can smoke or not.

See? It wasn’t that bad.

And that nice guy you met earlier this week. Screw him. He might just too good for you. You know… steady realistic relationship, just not for you. Yeah, that’s why that nice guy you met from TW left you. That’s also why the nice guy that you liked chose another girl. But anyway… You’re not up to romance whatsoever, are you? No, I don’t think so. I know you better than anyone else. Let’s say, I am your gollum and you’re my smeagol. Not a pretty analogy, but you know…

So now you’re going to the shrink again? Can’t handle it, can you? You can try… but you know you can’t get rid of this feeling only by talking. I know you chose to continue this session because the counselor is cute, didn’t you? You’re rubbish, and predictable. You’re not that cool, you know?

Tell you what? It doesn’t take a genius to say that your fake narcissism was your mask to conceal your incompatibility with the world. Seriously, you should just take that mask down, and you’d just a below average girl. You only have yourself.

You want me to stop?

Remember the letter I gave you few weeks ago? See how you screw yourself with those young lads? Yes, you deserved that. You deserved to be screwed by those people who doesn’t really like who you are. They were just playing, and you knew it, you pathetic being.

Anyway. I should stop.

Before you decided to jump from your flat window, thinking that you might just die like a coward, although probably somewhere in my head, I know that you might be better not living this life anymore. It’s too good for you, you know?

Hey Bybyq. See you next time when you screw again.