An Excuse :p


Alright, I know it’s a bit immature to put that smileys on the title, but I can’t help it. So let’s just move on from the title and let it go.

I know this month I didn’t post as much as I expected before. Not that I don’t want to, you know how this blog has become a part or my life. The problem is that I can’t write.

Don’t blame TW. I can find time to write while waiting for my troops back and forth farming. I just can’t write anything. For few days. I felt so much pressure in me, and I guess you can see it from the letter I wrote myself (or something like that). I think, in many aspects of my life.

I just have made some decisions, big ones, like I think I have to postpone my PhD. It is impossible for me to write a real good proposal right now. I only  have seven days left and I am not yet come up with a fixed topic. I don’t want to just pick any topic just because I want to do a PhD. I need to do things that I like, because I know that’s the only way it would work (or so they told me). At the same time, there are lots of things going on with my study, like my projects for Alain’s class, an essay for Clive’s class, and a topic for dissertation to decide. It’s going to be very busy, and i am sure as hell I don’t need more of those.

Romance? Oh… this is killing me. Especially lately.

I mean, after my parents know that I went out with this nice person, my mother just over reacted. Basically, everyone who knew I went out with this man over reacted *sigh*. I know he’s mature, and nice, and with his all quality, I know he’s good. But, just because he has all the qualities which are expected doesn’t mean I will instantly like him, right? The problem was, it’s like almost everybody tried to push me to that direction without actually gave me some time to assess my own feeling. Until few days ago I wasn’t sure about it… even now i am not sure about it, but somehow it seems people are so rushed…

So I’d rather back off.

I mean, come on. Since I had my second meeting with him, people who knew this have been constantly asking me about “the progress” and “the next date”. They insisted that watching movie was a date, which for me… come on! I watched movie with my guy friend before. Yes, only two of us. It was a movie. And it wasn’t a date, you can confirm to them if you want to. I can, of course, let them think whatever they want to think, but it gave me so much pressure. It made me cautious all the time. What if I led him on? What if I hurt someone?

What if I just want to be friends?

Friendship? Well… yeah they always gives me pressure as well.

Denise told me that Chu was pretty pissed off because I didn’t ask her to go to Noel Gallagher’s concert with me. WTF. Okay… explaining this would take the whole entry, so I will continue it next time. I need to sleep you know…


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