I don’t have many friends. I do know a lot of people, but friendship is a commitment as well, isn’t it? It would take me awhile before I decide if someone is my friend or not. However, once I consider someone as a friend of mine, it is not so easy for me to just neglect them whenever bad things come. Yes, I do have this bloody superhero syndrome, and I am struggling with that *facepalm*.
I don’t want to spoil someone else’s story, but I just want to explain what went on few weeks go. So, I was talking to this friend on facebook chat, she was so low because of her academic problem. She was very low, so at that moment, the only right thing to do is to invite her over so she can talk and I can comfort her… a little. Yes, I sacrifice my game! So that should counts. She was so happy when I invited her to come because she didn’t want to be alone at that moment, and I was the only one who offered a talk.
She went on with heart to heart talk, said she couldn’t talk to anyone about her feeling because she thought people doesn’t care. Well, maybe they really don’t care, but it wouldn’t help if you kept thinking that way, would it? Anyway, I told her, if anything happens, she can always talk to me.
The next day, she asked me to go out to the city center. Two days after she called me and asked me if I was free. Few days afterwards we talked on skype, and then she found out I was going to go to Noel Gallagher’s concert (which I bought about three months before I even talked to her about her problems). Later that I know from Denise that she was disappointed that I didn’t ask her to go with me.
“She said if anything happens I can talk to her, but she didn’t ask me to go to Noel Gallagher’s concert with her”.
Is that even make sense?
It wasn’t the first time I had this “friendship went too far” experience. It happened many times actually. I offered a friendship and these girls just don’t know where to stop. Am I a chick magnet or something? Well, if I am I will take that as a compliment, but if I don’t, what’s wrong with me?
A female friend was a bit pissed with me because I “left” her on a party. First, it wasn’t a real party. Second, she went there with another friend and not only with me. I didn’t leave him alone or whatsoever, but for her I was abandoning her. This sensitivity I don’t have. And that kind of attitude; the clingy, needy behavior, I don’t understand. They are strong women I can see, but when I was there, they want me to… argh. They need boyfriends I guess, I was replacing that figure (which I also don’t understand how that makes sense).
I am not a bad friend. I believe that. Apart from my Machiavellian tendency, I know that I can go to your house in the middle of the night if you needed my help. I can abandon things that I like, like my game if you said to me you were feeling low and you need someone to talk. I can pick up the phone, no matter how hesitate I am talking on phone, when you call just to make sure you’re alright. I will listen no matter how boring your love life story, and if you ask I might give you idea, sometimes the brilliant ones (I am a narcissist, so deal with it).
However, I am not that kind of friend.
You can come to me to talk about your problem, but it does not necessarily vice versa. I mean, I don’t get the idea how come you expect me to talk to you if you don’t even know how to solve your problem yourself? I might just go to a professional or if I just need to vent I will write it here. Sorry for that but, hey… That’s how I deal with most of my problems. Doesn’t mean I don’t talk to friends at all… I do, but to some extent.
I don’t go out with friends on daily basis. I know some (Asian?) girls do this. They shop together, eat together everyday, go to campus together in group, and that’s how define close friends. I don’t do that. Chances are I go to the city centre without telling you anything, or go to a concert by myself, and it doesn’t change my friendship with you. I don’t think I have to report all my activities to a friend, that’s absurd. Isn’t it?
I like companionship, but I am not marrying that.