It Is Going To Be Different This Time

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I heard that many times before.

An early, premature promise, trying to assure that things are not going to be the same. That it is going to be different. To be better. That it is no longer something that is temporary, but something that is built to last. And then, a flood of sweet words that can make my brain diabetic…

Once, twice… maybe because I was stupid, three times, I believed those words. I believed all the things said, and all the promises made. I believed that magic could happen, and change the world into a nicer place to me. Of course it didn’t happen. It never happened. Never. Not to me.

I am not trying to play victim here, but my point is, I heard too many promises, I started to become very… very skeptical about all those things. I started to believe that words are the cheapest things you can give to someone. The ugly truth is, maybe I was that cheap that I could be bought with words.

“It is going to be different this time,” she said. And I just laughed at her.

What is going to be different? How this relationship would be different from the previous ones? You didn’t even realise what was wrong with the pas failures. You didn’t even learn. And worse, you use the ‘magic words’ that you thought was an excuse for everything, “this is who I am”. A sign that you’re not open to change yourself.

How could you expect things to change, if you don’t want to change? How could you expect things to be different if you stay the same?

After few minutes, i just realised I was being so cynical to her. And I knew that it wasn’t about her anymore. It’s about me. It’s me who couldn’t stand listening to those kind of things.

the picture is taken from: https://i0.wp.com/www.adayinmollywood.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/sunll-come-out-395x500.jpg

I’ve heard so many times before, that things are going to be different. That tomorrow is a better day. That the sun comes out tomorrow (and some high pitched girls sang about it telling me that she bet a bottom dollar that tomorrow there’ll be sun. Of course there’ll be sun, however she didn’t say that there might be cloud and rain too -_-”). All those promises.

I hate promises.

I hate people giving me promises and break it like an insurance guy who sold and runaway after the contract was signed.  I hate when people asked me to trust them but in the end they just broke it.

“Don’t promise me anything,” I said one day. And they didn’t listen.

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