Something To Think About

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Think about it. Give yourself some times to know what you really want. Think about it. Try to assess your own feeling and understand what you want in the future. Think about it. And think if this is what you really want.

I think I have wrote how important having the right reason is for me. Doing something with the wrong reason, will stain the meaning of the result no matter how great the output could be. That was what I tried to say to my Mr. Fix-It. That what I was tried to make him understand that what I begun with him, I started it with the wrong reason, which now torture me with a tremendous guilt.

Here is the problem. I am not a bad person, and I never tried to be one. So, basically if now I became the bad person in this relationship, I never meant to be one. It is hard enough for me to put up with my own feeling and I don’t want my Mr. Fix-It to feel worse (like: being a burden to me). I was thinking of breaking up with him.

But then he asked me to think about it, just before it came out from my mouth. He stole my moment. I think he was really good at it, stealing the moment. And then he gave me one of the best weekend in my life.

He always gave me a nice weekend. Either a walk in the city, or in the little wood nearby, or a movie time with me knitting and him talking about nonsense, or he would cook for me BACON, or like yesterday: book reading, and a nice discussion about it. He always gave me good time. Somehow I know if I stayed he would give me more good times, or even better. Somehow I know if I stayed he would give me more, not only nice weekends, but also weekdays. Somehow I know if I stayed he would fulfill the imagination of stability and security.

But do I want to stay?

Think about it, said he. Think about it, said my friends.

Think about how much comfort I can get. Think about how unfair it would be for him if you wasted his time and never reciprocate the same way. Think about how good life could be with a good man, and incredible companionship. Think about how cruel it would be if I screwed. Think about it.

Maybe I should think about it while drinking. I know my Mr. Fix-It would be pissed if he knew I drink again, but heck…

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