Just Because I Don’t Want To Go Back


I have been asked many times about my reluctance to go back to Indonesia. No I don’t hate Indonesia. It is just that there is a long history between me and my home country. A long history of love and hate relationship, if I must say. But the reason why I don’t choose Indonesia as the place I want to live now, is not because I hate Indonesia.

I know life could be so much easier if I just go back. My parents would be happily supplied me with everything I need, and I can just start a small business to make them happy. Even if I went broke, there would always be my dad who would support my life. I know that food are so much tastier in Indonesia, cheaper too. You can have sushi without having to use the whole month budget. Well, bacon is a little bit out of question, but although it is not so easy to get one, you can still go to Sogo Food Hall to get a package of bacon strips. Now I want to eat bacon, I blame you, my blog!

Life is so much easier in Indonesia. I will speak in my own language. And if I speak English, then it’s my plus point. I will have my own car, and no matter how crowded and jammed the road in Jakarta, I can just turn the air condition on to the max, and I don’t have to worry about how much petrol I wasted. It would be so much cheaper than here. You can even drive without driving license.

And of course, cigarettes too. Getting alcohol is a little bit trickier, but nowadays, people are more open about this. You can always find cheap wine with lower alcohol content or beer in some supermarket. And if you have the guts, you can always buy them online and stack your booze stash at home just in case you would need to release stress (or having a sudden urge to make a happy suicide attempt). You can do what you want. Indonesia is a heavenly place for fun. Even the club is so much cooler.

But is that what I want?

I think it is all about preferences.

I don’t think that living in Indonesia makes me happy no matter how much fun I could get. I could not fit in.

I could not fit in the culture where everybody wants to know everybody else’s business. I could not fit in the culture where everybody needs to say something just for the sake of it. I am not a social person, not that much, and I need a culture where a loner is appreciated as much as a social butterfly, and where no parents would tell me that I would be a weirdo because of staying in front of computer too much.

I don’t want to be among people who believes that education is nonsense, those who sneer on the academic achievement, and keep asking me “why?” instead of “why not?”. But most of all, I chose this place because of this

Haha! Why so serious, buddy?

I love Indonesia. I just fit here better, and I like the music. Just because I don’t want to go back to Indonesia, doesn’t mean I stop being an Indonesian. I just want to stay in a country where the beset musicians in the world was born. And, of course so many other reasons.

For some people, America is the land of opportunity. For others, it might be another country. I started my new life here a year ago, and when shit happened few months ago, I was thinking of leaving this place. But then I realised, that I never wanted to leave. In this place, I can overlooked the shit, surprisingly.

Yes, love life sucks. Job is not easy to find. Everything is expensive. And I can’t get my favourite clove cigarettes. But I want to live here. This is what I want. >_<



2 responses

  1. Very interesting…
    I actually envy you as I didn’t have the same luck as you and HAD to go back and settle here in Indonesia. 😀


    • Oh I wouldn’t speak so soon. I will have to go back in the end of January if I couldn’t find a job or an offer from uni for further education. So yeah, same here, Sister 🙂