I got a sad news today from Jakarta, the mother of one of my Indonesian society friend in Norwich has passed away. I could not yet contact the person, neither any of my friends in Jakarta.
Yes I have never been the closest member of the Indonesian society. Heck, some of the members there weren’t even know that I am existed. But, with some people there I know them enough to feel concerned about their wellbeing.
This moment was supposed to be the holiday time for these people. When they come back home to release any stress they had when they were studying here. Maybe it’s good that she went back home because at least she could see her mother for the very last time, and the fact that she would be back to Norwich in the middle of September so she would not have to struggle with the memory of the late.
So, I know that the chance that she would come across my blog and read this is quite remote, but I will make a letter for her anyway. This is the least I can do.
I could not say that I understand what you are feeling right now, because it must be beyond words. I am not going to say that everything would be alright, because we don’t know yet. But I do understand if you want to be alone right now, and absorb the reality; and feel whatever you want to feel right now.
You would slap me in the face if I started to preach you about the better afterlife, because I know nothing about afterlife. But you are living and that’s what matters now. You don’t need to celebrate your life, you just need to remember it.
Nothing could help you to ease the pain right now, and that is fine. It might take months or years, or forever to make it feel better. The memory would stick and it would be very painful, but it doesn’t mean you are weak, it just means you’re feeling something.
I am not good at making emotional approach in this kind of situation, I am probably incapable of doing that. But if you want to get drunk once you’re here, just let me know, I’d get it covered, girl.
Cry tonight and wail and get angry if you want. Break the plates and glasses and scream if you need. Lock yourself in your room and sob and swear to god if it would make yourself feeling better. Like I said, I understand if you want to be alone today, please don’t hurt yourself.
Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t feel guilty for living; and for enjoying it. Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Don’t hurt yourself physically, or mentally.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope I can ease your sorrow. Annie said the sun’ll come out tomorrow, but I know you don’t give that song a damn.
Have some sleep my dear. See you soon.