I am not sweet.
I don’t know what is wrong with me but I am not sweet like most girls I know – my female friends. And some of my blogger friends too.
Not that I don’t want to be the same with everybody. I am more than willing to use the “L” word, which sometimes is scary to me. But I am not sweet.
For example, when I went shopping with Amy yesterday, she was thinking of her boyfriends and bought him something that she thought might be useful for him. I never did that to my boyfriend… well, not anymore. I used to do that, but most of the time it was because my friends were asking me what I was going to buy for my boyfriend. So if no peer pressure, or other kinds of pressure to buy something for my partner, then I would just come home with nice stories about how fun my shopping day was.
I could not make sweet letters for people I care about. Today I read my friend’s blog. She made a project for someone she cares about by making him a letter a day. I did that before for si Onyed, but it was not sweet. It was a series of letter which basically a “guide” to enjoy the Europe tour she was having with her family. Not cute at all. Nothing like what my friend has.
But every letter I made was usually… sour. Or should I say, bitchy in a way. I don’t know why I could not just write something nice to other people. Just to make them happy with that.
No wonder some of my friends told me that I was cold. It might be because of how I express, or not express my emotion towards these people. I just think that it is not necessary to sugarcoat things that is not sweet.
Not that I am saying that these people who are sweet like Amy and my friend who apparently blogs too – are not real or genuine. They are genuinely sweet. I just thought if I become sweet it would not be a genuine gesture comes from me. I always have this sarcastic way of expressing things, which for some people are considered rude and annoying. I just could not do what most people do. Sue me.
What I realised then, I could be sweet when I was drunk.
Pour my glass with alcohol, and make me one level above tipsy, and I can be THAT sweet. That is weird.
Some people said that the true personality of a person would shown when they are drunk. In Vino Veritas, that is.
Does it mean that actually deep inside me I am a sweet person, I just sour because of the crap I have been experiencing in my life? Or does it mean I can fake better when I was drunk? Well, I don’t know.
The question is… is it important to be sweet to someone?
I know that some people are genuinely nice. Some people can talk really sweet to other people even to someone they don’t like. Some people can be really sociable. Some people are THAT romantic.
Not that I am not romantic. Well, at least according to Doctor Molecular Biologist, I am a romantic person. I don’t really understand how he said that, but if someone said something about you and you think it is a good thing, just accept it…
Maybe because I have an emotional bonding. Surprise! But I DO!
No matter how distant I might seem to my feeling, but if you look back several weeks before this particular post, you can see how emotional I could be when I was dealing with relationships. And about moving out from the village. I am romantic in that way. I am just… not sweet.
Some people who get the chance to know me better realised that I am a little bit disconnected when it is related to showing affection. It is not that I have a mental problem or traumatic crap whatsoever. It’s just not easy to show feelings. It might be cultural. It’s easier to blame culture when shit happens.
Oh… are you wondering why I talk nonsense today? Okay… read the category where this post is… voila. ALCOHOL TAAALK!