Culture Revisited: Common Courtesy


One thing that I could not do very well in life is doing common courtesy. I think some of you might have realised how socially disconnected I am, but my main reason why it is so hard for me to do this is because I realised what’s “common” in common courtesy is not really common. If that makes any sense to you.

For me, it is so hard to distinguish whether a question or a statement was a common courtesy or a genuine thing. For example someone who asked me when I had to leave UK, or when someone said to me something like, “talk to you later” or “see you soon”. In my culture (not necessarily yours) it is something that is expected to be genuine, so I have to answer that question with personal touch, giving details and stuffs, and basically grateful that someone cared enough to ask.

However, as I told you, what’s “common” in one place might not be common in another place. Here, those kind of questions and statements were no more than something you say, and you could not care less with whatever answer. And that annoyed the shit out of me. I could not forgive someone who’s been asking me at least three times about when I would need to leave the country. What the fuck man? I’ve told you it would be in January.

I can understand questions which useless and you could not care less with the effect that might occur as the result of it. For example: “good day, isn’t it?” Or “leaving for work?” Or “how are you, bitch?”

But asking someone something, that for that person is as important as asking about the pregnancy test result, and you don’t really listen to it… Man, you’d better not do that to me.

After a few same shits like that, you are going to lose so much points, as a friend or as a potential lover. Oh yes. The bloody points system.

I do not expect people to remember all the details about me. Doh. I’m not a bloody superstar, nobody needs to know my birthday, star sign, and blood type. But if you don’t want to know those stuff, why did you even bother to ask? It wasted my time. And your time. And wasted the space in the brain to process the syntax of the language which is not my mother tongue. Why?

Common courtesy?

Things that are also annoying me, is the question of, “have you eaten something yet?”. From my mum. I believe she doesn’t really want to know whether I have eaten something or haven’t yet. You know why I knew that? Simply because she did not listen (or care) about the answer. In ten minutes, when the conversation stuck again, she would ask the exact same question.

Now I wonder, if people like me who can’t be bothered to make small nonsense talk just for the sake of it was considered as socially retarded, what would you call people who was so superficially sociable but would never go anywhere with hours of small talk?

Yes I could not be more cynical about this.

It doesn’t mean I could not have small talk with people. Strangers. Ones who used to be strangers and now become friends. But my kind of small talk is not their kind of small talk. I care enough with what they said I fucking remembered those stuffs. I asked because I want to know, not merely because we need some noise to fill the silence.

Same reason why my blog was never that popular. Lol. I am not moaning, dude, I’m just stating a fact.

People bloghopped and commented there with “blogwalk common courtesy” such as, “woow nice post” or “gosh that was deep”, but basically means nothing but a “noise”. All the blog owner can say was, “thanks” (?). It’s different from readers who give a damn with the sentiment presented in the entry. Oh you can tell the difference.

I am not saying that it is a bad idea to do that. In fact, those who left light and unrelated comments like that in random blogs got huge return visits, which is good if you want to boost your blog popularity. In real life, people who can always start a small talk is more likely having the party invitation or just drink in the pub. Or go home with cuties.

I believe that small talk is a social skill that I need to learn anyway. It would be handy in your real life; making networks, making your customers happy, enlarge the friends circle, gain more social experiences etc. Or just simply become less a bitch that I am now.

So, should I start now?

*clear throat*

Hey. What’s up?


2 responses

  1. LOL.. we are sooo similar in this situation.
    Which is probably why I don’t have many friends. *thinking*
    but i don’t like small talk.. i talk when it really matters.