It Is Natural… Allegedly

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I cannot forget what a friend of mine told me about having kids. She told me if she was single and having no kids, she would have gone travelling to places she really wanted to visit. She told me that she would have bought things she wanted to buy; fragrance, clothing, shoes, make up and other beauty stuffs. Now that she has two daughters, they became her life. Because she loves them, she said.

Let me tell you something that not everybody could. Some women regretted being a mother.

These women wouldn’t tell you. Not because of the annoying excuses you would make to make her feel better, or the judgemental look you would give to her when she said that to you. It’s because, after all those troubles they’ve got from telling them about these stuffs, they wouldn’t understand anyway. How can a mother regretted having children? Isn’t being a mother a natural thing for being a woman?

Well. Yea. Allegedly.

I know I could be a good mother. Great even. I am a condescending bossy bitch, who couldn’t be easily impressed with whatever people do. I can cook healthy food and wouldn’t mind choking and stuffing people with those nutritious supplement for their sake. I don’t give in to pleas, and don’t pity idiocy. I don’t give a shit to excuses. I am a natural lie detector. And, I can tell you things nobody would.

I could have been a great mother (or Asian mother said Mr. Fix-It) if I wanted to be one. I just don’t want to.

If you don’t watch Grey’s Anatomy, you might not get the reference if I told you that in this particular case I relate myself a lot with Cristina Yang and Alice Grey. They are two great surgeons, and they loved what they are doing. Having kids would completely ruined their career, and that’s exactly what I don’t want to do.

People will tell me that if I have a kid of my own, I will love them. Well again, allegedly.

I’m pretty sure if if I ever have a child of my own I wouldn’t neglect them. However, it would still be a question whether I would do that for them out of love or because of the responsibility after I make them alive and suffer. I don’t think it is fair for them to live with a mother who’s basically think that they are the thing that stop her from being a greater her.

I may quote from Meredith Grey, the daughter of Alice Grey when she was explaining to Cristina’s husband why she needed to terminate the pregnancy.

“Okay, do you know what will happen to Cristina if she has a kid she doesn’t want? It will almost kill her. Trying to pretend that she loves a kid as much as she loves surgery will almost kill her, and it’ll almost kill your kid. Do you know what it’s like to be raised by someone who didn’t want you? I do. To know that you stood in your mother’s career? I do. I was raised by a Cristina. My mother was a Cristina. And as a child she didn’t want, I’m telling you, don’t do this to her, because she’s kind and she cares and she won’t make it. The guilt of resenting her own kid will eat her alive.”

I don’t want to hate my child.

If you don’t get it fuck off.

I don’t need anyone telling me how I should live my life. I don’t need anyone telling me how should I prepare my future. I could just live with a partner, save a lot of money to pay for the luxury retirement house. I just don’t want to be a fucking mother.

They told me that if I have children I will naturally love them. They told me if I have one I psychologically changed (from a little bit mental to a real psycho? Yeah right!). They told me that I will be sorry if one day I want one but it will physically impossible for me to have one. What year do you think you are living, cocksucking retard? Technology will allow you to have any possible means to recreate a human being. Even if it wouldn’t you can just adopt one of those misfortunate creatures resulted from idiots who don’t know how to use contraception and couldn’t terminate the pregnancy, and unfortunately didn’t have a naturally expected miscarriage.

Don’t ruin my life just because the society expected it. They wouldn’t pay for my life, my food, my education. They wouldn’t care if I had to go to the mental hospital because of the major depression. They wouldn’t pay for my kids tuition fees. They wouldn’t pay for the pregnancy shits, or take care of the other shits when the baby comes. They wouldn’t pay for the Marie France Bodyline slimming program if I became a hippo after delivering that nasty red aliens from my aching crotch. So why the fuck they care about my decision of not wanting to be a bloody mother?

Seriously. If you still think every fertile woman is destined to be a mother.

Fuck off.

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