Death is always a very unsettling topic. Handling it is not easy. And what’s worst from death is not the death itself, it is what’s left behind.
Just few weeks ago the mother of one of my friends, who happened to be my ex when I was in high school has passed away because of her cervical cancer. I went to the funeral home just because I was at Jakarta at that time. In a way, I was the representation of his friends in Solo.
When I met him in person, after years, I couldn’t really say lots of things. I could not come and tell him how I was sorry for his loss. I could not drag him to the thought of losing someone so close to him by keep talking about it. I don’t know if he wanted to talk about it, but if the position was reversed, talking about the loss is the last thing I would want to talk about. So I just talk about the other stuffs. About his daughter, his wife, his work, and about everything else. About me.
It is like giving random things for him to think about.
When my father got hospitalised about a month ago, people asked me about everything about my dad and his heart. It is nice to show a bit of sympathy, but could you just give me a break? I mean, if I could think of something like that, I believe it would be refreshing for my friend that someone come to the funeral home and talk to him not with pity but with a mere friendship? Would it be great if someone look him in the eye and let it unspoken, that he could talk to us anytime he wanted and we wouldn’t make him do it just because we need to feed our curiosity of how and when and why.
That is for the family.
This afternoon I have got a message from a friend I haven’t talk for ages. She used to be in our circle until she got an overly attached boyfriend who wouldn’t let her have her friends, and then she’s out. Apart from the facts that she used to go to the same primary school with me, I don’t really fancy to be associated with her. But anyway… She sent me a message to let me know that one of our childhood friend has passed away.
Apparently, she gave me her new name after she got married. I only knew this woman’s maiden name. A name that I knew very well when I was so much younger than today.
How close I was to the deceased? I couldn’t really say, but I used to have play date with her and some other friends, and we used to be a little circle when we were in primary school. But girls grew up at different speed and I was a quite late bloomer so I didn’t have the chance she’s got when we were teenagers. Not that I regret that, but because of that we were separated in different clicks. I haven’t seen her since she left the school in 2001 or 2002, and haven’t talked to her even longer than that.
I guess we have forgotten each other.
I forgot about her.
And I quickly learned that apparently she has already got married with two kids now. And it is the spot in her lungs which killed her in the end. She is young and beautiful, and even with mistakes she had done when she was young, she has live a life, and she was probably happy.
Isn’t life a little bit dark, if you think about it?
Death is always unsettling. However, most of the time it is unsettling only for us who’s still alive. Funny that for the deceased, the game is over and we are struggling to make sure we have as much lives as we could have. Not knowing that probably there’s a glitch which could kill us in an instant. Now. Or maybe now.
Anyway… Rest in Peace, and I hope the family is alright and move on.