The Ghost


“Byq, my cousin said that there is a guy wanted to get to know me better,” said a friend of mine.

“Well,” I said, “go for it.”

“I am still too traumatic to start,” she replied.


Actually, this is not the first time someone told me that they were so traumatic to start over a relationship after a nasty break up. In this last case, my friend was almost got married to this man, when her father decided that the suitor was not coming from a good enough family and they broke up. Well… I will not talk about the break up because for me no matter how silly it was, it’s been done and nothing anyone could do to reverse the action.

I am going to talk about the ghost.

The Ghost is the term I always used to talk about the past. I had my own ghost so did everybody else. Some people met their ghost and let go and some could not get over with this ghost. Having the ghost with you means no matter where you go, the ghost will follow you, and you will always live in fear. Of meeting the ghost again. In a different shape.

My friend said it is the trauma.

It is not an easy matter for me to understand that different people has different coping mechanism. Some does well post break up, some needs a nasty and dramatic session so that they can let go, some needs the assurance of starting over before letting go the past. Some just clinging on the memory that made them who they are today.

Maybe, from other’s point of view, I am a bit cold hearted because I could just move on. However, for me personally, moving on is just a matter of choosing to see the future instead of keep looking back in anger (Yes, I HAVE TO refer to OASIS song).

That is why, when my friend told me that she wanted to get to know this man better, but she was afraid that it would not go the direction she wanted, I said to her, to understand that it was the life she was facing. Not everything goes the way we wanted it to go, and not everything is ideal. And about the broken heart, I think many people had that before. It is about the willingness to understand that clinging on the past would not do any good to her. Nor to everybody around her.

Definitely not for me since I would be the one who listen to the drama.

I think it is quite obvious that in this three years of blogging, I have experienced three major break ups. One from a 5-years relationship, and another with a very nasty separation. Of course, I could choose to weep and mourn for the death of the relationship, but I took my chance and met people. And that’s how I found Mr. Fix-It.

I am not going to make it all about myself, so I would just go to the point.

The point is no matter how awesome you are, when you put yourself in a box, nobody could see it. You can mourn, you can weep, you can feel sorry for your self and things that you’ve lost, and that’s how people would see you. Pity.

And pity seldom becomes respect, therefore those people would only be friends, never lovers.

Stop making people pitying you, and start showing what you’ve got. Stop wearing those black dresses like a widower, and start being colourful and gay, and be the person people around you adore and respect.

Good luck, and have a nice day 🙂



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