The Motherhood Business


I went out for dinner with my friends from high school years this evening. Except for Na, they were not the people I hung out with when I was younger. I used to hang out more with boys while this time it was the girl domination. Sometimes I thought there must be something in my brain that separated me from these girls when I was in high school, and that something in my brain is still separating me from them.

Actually the conversation went alright for awhile. Until one of our friends came with her husband and her baby boy. Since then, the conversation went from human life, to motherhood life.

I think I don’t need to remind anybody that I had a very strong opinion about motherhood. Not about mother in general but about me being a mother. I don’t think I was born with the motherhood software pre-installed in me. I don’t like children that is for sure and I have never seen any benefits of being pregnant and giving birth and being a mother. I even encouraged termination if the mother choose not to have the baby. But I am not going to discuss about those kind of things again, because I have something more important to say.

When I told my friend that I don’t want to have a child, she was startled in disbelief and looked at me as if I was saying something so unthinkable. However, the reason why she thought that I was wrong for not wanting a child was utterly confusing for me. She said I should never said something like that because there are so many people in this world who wants children but cannot have them. It might be silly for me, but I think she was serious when she said that.

Actually, it is not the first time I have heard someone said something like that. I have heard my mother, my grandmother, my aunties, and many other women said something like that. But I never thought about that seriously until now. Maybe because it has become too much an unsettling business for me now. However, no matter how I tried to think about this reason, I could never see the logic.

I could not see the connection between I don’t want a baby, and others want babies. I could not see how my attitude towards child bearing could affect someone else who are in the baby making program. I could not see why other women’s desire to have baby should be my desire too. This is absurd.

And no wonder many men said that women’s logic is not logical.

I think motherhood is a choice.

I would never tell them that it is wrong for wanting a baby because the universe has already overpopulated. Even though, my reason is so much more logical than theirs. Of course I don’t want to end up banished from the society by saying so. But I guess if you want to tell other people that they are wrong, should you try to at least give them a very good reason to back up your opinion?

I am okay if she told me to never say never because opinion changes and some people did change their mind. It is a precaution and even though I have heard that for so many times and getting a little bit sick about it too, that is still quite reasonable thing to say. I would consider that kind of precaution as a nice attempt to show that they care enough for not wanting me to feel sorry later.

Trying to make me feel sorry for not wanting a child while others want children is similar to condemning someone who choose not to buy an xbox while thousands of other boys might kill to have one. See? Having money doesn’t mean that you have to buy an xbox. You can choose not to have one.

Ah, I know that some theist would say that kids are gifts from god. I am not going to argue about that now because the discussion would make this entry too long. However if I won an xbox, I might just cash it and buy something else that I want. If I “won” a baby (considering it is a gift), could I cash it or trade it with a puppy instead? NO.

So, NO. Having kids is a choice like buying a phone. So don’t tell me I am wrong just because I am not buying the phone everybody wants.


4 responses »

  1. Pingback: Is Life A Race? | SuperByq

  2. And this is why I never tell people as of this moment I have no desire to have children… though I don’t think I’m as 100% sure as you are. But yes, agreeing with the faulty logic there. It makes more sense if you did have children and you said you didn’t want them/wish they didn’t exist but still…

    Sometimes I feel like we’re born in the wrong country/with the wrong cultural mindset…


    • Well i did not say that i was 100% sure. I respected those who had been trying to remind me never to say never. However the motherhood business has become a very annoying subject after you have reached a certain age and you don’t think the way most women at your age think.

      I think we are what the sociologists define as social deviant. Some are more obvious like me, some are in the closet like you. In other culture our mindset, behaviour and attitude might be quite mainstream. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with the culture. We are just… Special :p


      • “In the closet” – I’ve never thought of myself like that before but you’re not wrong, that amused me more than it should’ve.

        Special, I can handle being special, it sounds good :p


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