How Loud Does The Money Talk?


“Maybe I should find a rich husband,” suddenly my friend said to me. “I am afraid I would suffer otherwise.”

I don’t know how much of this was a denial, but this same friend came to me all broken hearted because she went through a bad breakup after her father’s refusal. The reason was quite simple: the suitor wasn’t come from a rich family. Or maybe, in a way, she secretly felt a bit relieve that she should break up with her ex, because he came from the lower social economic strata.

Don’t worry, I am not going to blame her, or judge her even if she did. I think it is very humane and normal anybody needs security. And, financial security is one of the most important thing if you are living in Indonesia. How come? Because our government doesn’t take care of anything. We don’t have free healthcare, we don’t have free education for kids, we don’t have benefits and nobody actually taking care of you when you’re getting old. So, if her reason is completely security I wouldn’t scrutinise her. At all.

But then I know that for most people it is not about financial security. It is about the prestige came with the lifestyle which money can bring. The branded bags, the limited edition shoes, the designer clothes, and those luxurious watches. Who wouldn’t want that? I have seen many of my friends living that kind of lifestyle; and they never wanted to come back to the simple life.

For parents, however, this could be a must have criteria. My friend’s case wasn’t the first time I have heard about a father or a mother refused to give their blessings to their children’s relationship because their suitor did not come from the same social economic class. Those who threw two separated parties because of both parents wanted to show off their money to each other. Those who asked for a glamorous wedding receptions because they don’t want to be seen as poor and low class by the guests.

Isn’t that sad?

I am so glad that my parents don’t really mind with my man’s financial situation. I mean, as far as I know (because I have not yet met his family), his family is not coming from the same social economic level with mine. Not that my family is filthy rich, but we definitely have different kind of lifestyle and different view about money. So, I am quite happy that my parents never took this as their consideration, and they did not just reject him because of his job or the money in his bank account.

However, I still believe there is an urge in them to throw a glamorous luxurious big arse wedding reception for me for the reasons I have mentioned above. They said it is just to share their happiness to people they know, because in this part of the world, you are not allowed to be happy for yourself. It is always like that, everybody wants to meddle in your business when you’re throwing a party, but then when you need them to help you with money, they stop caring about your business. But who cares?

Who cares because today they can throw a party with ten different menus on the table, and seventeen chocolate fountain and a cake which top could reach the ceilings. Who cares because today you are wearing the best suit holding your daughter’s hand which was covered with a lace gloves, and a huge shiny diamond ring on her finger. Who cares because those people are toasting with you, drinking your best wines and congratulating you as if they do really sincere.

I think this is why most people wanted to throw a big reception. They are not sharing their happiness to these people. They are treating everybody to bribe them to send them the best wishes. They just wanted to be remembered the day of their names being glorified, and those amazed faces when they saw you and the fabulous decoration, and those gossip outside the building about how much money you have spent for that special occasion. And nobody would care enough to know about what is going to happen to the bride and groom after the night is over.

It reminds me to the divorces happened to my friends. I remember how the wedding was the talk of the week, and how the pictures were flooding my facebook feed without me even knowing it. And then the downfall was pretty quick and nobody knew that these couples are now… not couples any longer. Is that sad? No, that is reality.



2 responses »

  1. in terms of marriage in Indonesia, the money talks really loud … I’ve just had a talk with three male students yesterday about being ‘jomblo’ (single) … and they concluded the discussion with: the most important thing in a relationship (read: marriage) is money … 😦 … And I told them that may be … just may be … I choose a wrong partner … :p


    • I think it is true that financial security/stability is so damn important in a stable long time relationship such as a marriage too. However, choosing a suitor only based on their bank account isn’t too wise either, I believe.


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