You Are (Un)Invited…


I just realised that for some people, wedding invitation is a delicate matter. Not being invited to a wedding is a biggie, and it could cause a rage, especially when you had a moment of closeness with this particular person (read: you were close friend for a couple of years, and now you’re living a different kind of world). However, for me, not being invited to a party is a common thing to happen.

When I was in my high school, as I probably have mentioned many times before in this blog, I have more male friends then female friends. Which means I don’t have enough female friends who would invite me to their sweet seventeen birthdays. And some girls who I knew few years earlier and was my friend in the primary school or middle school would rather invite their new girls instead of the girl they knew few years back. Wouldn’t that be normal?

I think the same thing when one of the girl I knew when I was studying architecture decided not to invite me to her wedding reception.

Although I realised that there were more than that in the surface.

Pinpin got so upset when she knew I did not get the invitation, Mr. Fix-It joked and said that she is out from our wedding invitation list. I thought, “That’s a bit of over-reaction, wasn’t it?”

She was quite close to me when we were studying in the Architecture school, that was a fact. But the friendship dissolved when I had a relationship with si Onyed because she did not feel comfortable having a friend who had a relationship with a girl, and that was also a fact. So basically it is so much logical if she did not want to invite someone who made her uncomfortable to her wedding, isn’t it? It is he wedding day, it is her right to invite someone or not. And I think what she did was so much better than a fake invitation I have got several years ago from another girl.

Apparently at that time, she was getting married and she did not want me to know because I knew she did it for the wrong reason. But she accidentally leaked it to me and she invited me because I already knew. I decided not to come because she never invited me at the first place and I did not want to make it awkward for her because it was supposed to be her big day, not mine. So, not coming to a wedding? Fine for me.

It is also so much better than lying, like what si Onyed’s friend did few years before that happened. She was from a very religious family, and apparently inviting a girls-couple would hurt the family. It is so reasonable not to invite si Onyed and I at that time and telling us that would be easily acceptable (at least for me). But instead she made some story that it was only a small reception for the family only. Which would be fine unless the photo of the reception did not leak on facebook by one of the friends from Onyed’s class, which made her enraged at that time.

Oh well.

They used to be my closest friends but are they now? I don’t know. I don’t think so. So I don’t see that there is any obligation that they have to invite me to their wedding. Even if they are my closest friend, I don’t see any obligation for them to invite me to their wedding if they don’t want to do it.

I am in that position right now. I am in the position where I can invite someone or not invite them for any reason. And I think, it is not an easy job to pick who’s in and who’s out, don’t you think? And I think they have made an excellent job purging the friends they don’t need in their wedding. And why would I be angry with them for being a bride, I should have congratulated them myself (and I did, by the way, when I was in the wedding).

However, the last wedding I attended was awkward. It could have been a very nice and exciting wedding, but the fact that I met my ex and his girlfriend and I was there alone did not help. I could have enjoyed it more, probably if some of the guys were invited, but they were not. Yes, my invitation said Bybyq and partner, but my partner at that time was on the flight feeling horrible because of the turbulence to meet me and my family the next day. So sue me for not enjoying any minutes of it.


I was never a big fan of wedding myself, so please if you think you HAVE TO invite me, make sure you think I deserve to be there to share your happiness. You have no obligation to invite me, because I would be happy for you anyway although you did not.


2 responses »

    • There is no room for argument about that. In the culture where good relationship is above everything, lying to keep the other party happy is totally legitimate.


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