“Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening” – Maya Angelou
I am not sure where I saw this quote, or who quoted this, but when I saw it I almost cried because this is one of the saddest thing an adult has ever said. It made me shiver because that quote was said by a famous person whose some people look up to. It is not so much different than what many unstable teenagers in Indonesia used to say to me: “A little drama spiced up the relationship, without it the relationship is boring.”
That is absurd.
Few years ago, Mr. Atheist and I have discussed about this matter and came to a conclusion that to be able to get a peaceful and healthy relationship, we must avoid those who believes in this. Unless you are a drama queen/king who wants to have another drama king/queen to be your partner, the first thing to ask on your first date is: what do you think about jealousy? And if she answered like what you read above, run for your life. Experience has taught me that.
Some of my partners in the past has filed lots of complains to me because I don’t do jealousy things. If I don’t trust them then there’s no need to continue a relationship. I would make it easy: it doesn’t matter if you like seeing other woman’s butt because it is normal, and it is inevitable if there’s a nice pair of butts wobbling in front of you. It doesn’t matter if you like seeing pretty faces because pretty faces are there to be enjoyed. In fact, I would like to enjoy it with you too.
It doesn’t matter if another girl likes you because it means I have a good pair of eyes by choosing you and I am proud of that. I would strut and show you off in the weekend and make sure I would rub it in everybody’s face that you are mine. If a pretty girl likes your partner, then be even cockier because he chose you, godamnit. Woman, why do you need to be jealous about that.
What is not okay is when your partner likes her too in a romantic way, and not friendly way. What is not okay is when she/he started to cheat on you and send romantic messages. What is not okay is when she.he sleeps around and treat you bad. And when it happened, then it is even needless to be jealous because all you need to do is to dump that silly bastard and move on with your life.
See? Why the fuck anybody needs to be jealous?
Some said that little drama such as small arguments (read: fights) could spice up your relationship. And I said, fuck that very much.
There is nothing more tiring than having a fight over something stupid every now and again just to satisfy the thirsty drama monster inside your partner’s head. There is nothing more exhausting than to create mood roller coaster once a month just to make the relationship feels alive — PMS can do that alright, doesn’t it? And it is sad to have to create problem and solve it yourself just to feel happy with the relationship. Is that the fake achievement you wanted to acquire?
Maybe you would realise later that there is a real problem out there when you are in a real relationship. It is not about the text from the ex, or who made you late for the cinema this weekend, or things like that. There are so much bigger things to deal with, house mortgage, bills, food, wedding issues, visa technicality and so much more. If that’s not enough drama for you then you might need to have a life a little.
Luckily, Mr. Fix-It is drama free kind of person. I guess that is one of the reason I decided to settle down with him. Instead of giving me mood swing, he could calm me down in my PMS days, instead of being jealous he could sit with me in the corner of a coffee shop and decided if a girl is cute enough or not, and made a lot of joke about it. Instead of stopping me meeting my old friends and exes, he encourages me to expand my self and be sociable. And to spice things up we discuss about everything under the sun: about him, about me, about this blog, about our friends, about our family, our country… politics, religion, education, books…
So, no… I disagree. For me jealousy and drama does not spice up MY relationship. It poison it little by little. It is the bad cholesterol which could make a cardiac arrest to your relationship. And it is shitty.