Just In Case You Don’t Love Me


Few days ago I have heard a question asked, “Would you change your religion to marry someone?”

Honestly, I did not care about the answer, because what disturbed me at the beginning was how this question has been asked in an international event. This is not only a very discriminating question, but also very unfair. Why?

First of all, what if the person asked was irreligious? What if she was an atheist or agnostic, or pantheist, or deist. Or taoist. Or scientologist. What if she chose not to choose any religion? I think in any free country, this is very much acceptable. Would this mean my country is not a free country? Of course it is not. So, asking would you change religion to get married is definitely a discriminating question.

Second of all, even if she is religious, why do you have to change to any religion to get married? In a free country, you can get married with people who has different religion. And the fact that in indonesia you cannot marry someone who practise different religion backed up my previous comment that this is not a free country. So would this be a fair question? It is not.

And apart from the politically incorrect question, I must say that this is one of the most disturbing answer I have ever heard.

I agreed when she said she would not change her religion. Good for her. And I don’t care about her reason, because people has their own excuse reason for practising religion. But then she closed her answer with “and if that person loves me, they should love my god too”, or something like that. I could not really decipher that, because I am not sure if she means she would ask him to let her practise her own religion or ask him to convert to her religion.

I assumed it was the latter, although I really hoped she meant the former.

And I have a huge problem with the “if they love me then they should bla bla bla”.

That is not only unfair but it is a well covered threat to someone, using their own feeling towards you. It is not only unfair but also mean, sly, cruel, and inhumane. Maybe you have never been in the position where you were “forced” to do something just to “prove” that you love someone. Maybe you did not realise it because it probably was not as big as “religion”.

But what if you heard this:

“If you love me, you should get a breast implant”. “If you love me, you should have sex with me”. “If you love me, you should buy me that car”. “If you love me, you should stop going out with your friends”. “If you love me, you should stay (although it means you would skip a very important class)”. “If you love me, you should pick me up from the club tonight (although you would have to go to work early in the morning to present a very important project)”.

Sometimes, just because it is framed in a beautiful pageant and said by a beautiful person, we forgot how bitchy it could be if our friend was the victim of this “if you love me then you should…” scheme. We forgot that “if she loves him too, then she would never say that in the first place”.

I know that in an event like that, the huge pressure and the lack of time to think about the effect of the answer is not enough for someone to think of this. Maybe it sounds good enough at that time, and probably when she said that it gave her a dramatic closure that made her sound like a strong, fun fearless, and girl that is not afraid to say what she wants. But I am sorry to say that when I read what she said, it is just sad.


if she loves me she should bought me all those sweets!! mum hates me!!!


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