Monthly Archives: October 2013

tick… tock… tick… tock…


This waiting reminds me of the first proverbs I learned when I arrived at Norwich two years ago.

“The watched kettle never boils”.

It’s funny that I have never actually used that proverbs since ages ago, and just remembered it today, and it happened when I saw the calendar. It’s just 10 days since the day I handed in the documents to the visa office.

Basically, the visa thingy was not easy. It was not as smooth as what I was expected. I had to come to the visa centre twice because apparently I need to get a special TB test, and the TB test I had when I went there as a student is no longer valid. The second time, the officer was not as patient as the officer I met before, and he rushed my application 😦 I really hoped nothing was left behind. What worse was that the application fee has been changed following the currency. It was awful lot of cash I had to give to that guy. I am keeping the receipt…

The guy in the counter, the non-sympathetic guy who rushed my application– said that the application could take 3 to 6 months before I know whether it was accepted or rejected. I really hoped that the result would come soon so we will know what to do next. And I hope the result is good because we already booked a day in March at Norwich registry.

I really would want everybody to wish me luck, with the hope I could really use those nice wishes. Unfortunately I don’t believe in luck, I just believe in chances, and no divine intervention could change that chances. It could be just… no chance.

Ooh, I really couldn’t bear the tension. I really wish I could fast forward this to 6 month for now to see what happened next, but unfortunately I cannot. I cannot make time goes faster, nor make the waiting fun. All I can do now is to make each day pass, and try to forget that I am waiting for something I want the most. All I can do now is stop looking at the kettle nor the clock, and do something while the water is boiling.

Maybe a diet is a good idea…

Maybe not.

I don’t know…


The (second) Best Birthday Gift…


So I just had my birthday not so long time ago. I know I never actually reveal my birthday date anywhere, not in this blog, not even in my own facebook account. I have my own reason, but maybe I should write that on another entry. Because today, I am talking about the second best birthday gift ever…

Of course, the best birthday gift for me would be having Mr. Fix-It in Indonesia with me, so I have to settle down with the second best. What is the second best gift?

I have to tell the story from the beginning.

In the morning, Mr. Fix-It sent me a birthday greetings and wished me a happy birthday. I was with my family when he said that his package is on the way and apparently got stuck in the delivery again, with no apparent reason. I was a bit upset because I don’t like surprises, and I know that he know that I don’t like surprises. And a package in its way is definitely a surprise, because he never told me he sent any birthday presents.

Before I raised my complaints, he said that because the actual presents is on the way, I should wait a few minutes and recheck my e-mail. I was hoping for a sweet love letter from him because honestly, at that moment I think I would like that better than anything. But no… it was a £25 voucher!

I started calculating. I know that this month he has to pay a lot of bills, and taxes. So I would rather him keeping his money for our wedding later. Of course it would not affect much but at least it would make me feel better knowing that I was not the reason why he spent so much this month. I know that the package delivery to Indonesia is not cheap either 😦 So whatever he sent, I hope it’s worth it…

About gifting…

Gifting was never a tradition in our family. My parents gave us the best gifts ever… the ability to be responsible to our own money, and the freedom to spend it if we wanted to. So, for me, presents are the mine field.

I am a bit picky, and I don’t like buying things that other people might never use. I quite understand that different people has different taste and needs, so why do we have to buy something that someone might never like? But I know that for some people giving presents is like giving someone their best thought, so it was a sticky situation between Mr. Fix-It and I at that moment.

But one thing about the relationship is being able to talk about difficult and sensitive matters, so I tried to talk about this to Mr. Fix-It. I told him, that I did not know what he sent to me but I know it must cost him a fortune to buy stuffs and send it to Indonesia. And I don’t really fancy the surprise from opening presents. So, maybe next time, just buy a nice secondhand book, because I love books…

He agreed. And thanked me for letting him know.

And apologised for putting me in this situation.

Silly man. He did not have to apologise.

Today the presents arrived. I am quite familiar with the size and the shape, and by the look of it, I guessed I would love what I would find in the inside. I was right… It was a book, and vouchers for Boots from him and from his sister!! It reminds me that I need to send her a message.. — back in a minute!


He sent me a book. Apparently, without me having to tell him what he needs to buy… he bought one thing I loved the most in the face of the universe. Well.. he could not buy me fastest internet connection, could he? He bought me the universe… He bought me the universe in 400 pages of beautiful words. I would definitely review the book soon after I finish reading it.

I was ecstatic.

I couldn’t believe it.

I bet he must have been laughing victoriously when I told him that he should have bought me a book, while he actually did. Now I feel silly. I thought he did not know me that well. Apparently he knew me better than I know him, and it made me a little bit embarrassed. Maybe another gift I received this year is a lesson called humility.

I wonder if I have ever said it in my blog, but just in case nobody knew it… I love him.

Apps Review: BBM for iPhone (iOS7)


It’s been awhile since this apps was released. I would like to write the review for both Blackberry messenger for Android and iPhone, but since I only have iPhone and not android so I could only write for one.

I know that some people said that one of their reasons why they ditched their blackberry phone is because they are no longer attached to their blackberry messenger. The developments of cross platform messenger apps are now in the market and it makes BBM no longer the most wanted messenger, especially in Indonesia. However the release of BBM for iPhone and Android have made many people excited.

So I have downloaded the apps few days ago, and I gave myself some moments to try the apps before I write something about it. And of course, I needed to give myself some times to wait until the excitement no longer cloud my judgement. I need to be objective, you know?


So basically after I used it for awhile, I started to remember why I did not like BBM. I remember the broadcast messages which I don’t like, and the annoying status updates. I also remember how cool the LINE sticker and whatsapp emos just to see how lame BBM’s are. Oh yes, it doesn’t have stickers.

After not using BBM for almost a year, I was expecting something more inventive, some innovation. If it did not want to follow the other messengers, do something new because BBM talk is not much different than LINE messenger phone feature.

The only thing good about this is that now I can talk to my mum faster because her blackberry phone is no longer compatible with whatsapp messenger’s latest update. Yes, please do something about it.

Do people need to download this apps?

Not sure why, but if you do want to go with it and try… why not?

Free Sex


One of the most debated topics in Indonesia is about free sex.

Actually I don’t understand how these people define free sex. Is that pre-marital sex that they consider as free sex? Or promiscuity? I even wikied it and it did not come with any satisfying result. In fact, I suspect it’s because this term was loosely translated from Indonesian term Sex Bebas. Well…

This is how things became a little bit confusing for me.

Free sex. Isn’t sex supposed to be free? If you pay for it, I guess it must be a prostitution.

Or when it is interpreted from Indonesian’s Seks bebas, then should be done under no threat and done consensually, or else it must be a rape.

Only in the countries where people are being given this freedom to poke other people’s businesses, people talk about how other people satisfy this basic human need.


Faith in Humanity…


There is a new game I have been playing with Mr. Fix-It to keep our conversation going everyday. It is not easy to find a new topic everyday when you are doing a long distance relationship, so I have to be more creative. I call the game: “The disturbing thing I learned from the news today”.

I think it was quite self explanatory. Basically I would read newspaper, watch television, and listen to the radio to learn (or just listen to the local gossip in the neighbourhood from my mother who always presented stuffs with more excitement than the celebrity newscaster) what could be the most disturbing things that happen to our world today.

Could that be the head judge of the Constitution Court that has got caught red-handed for a corruption allegation? Could that be the 9 years old baby girl who’s died of high fever caused by the infection from the suspected sexual abuse? Could that be the bunch of high school students thought that it is the new trend to throw Hydrochloric Acid to do harm to other people? Could that be the closure of religious places that has been shut down by force by some people from radical religious mass organisation, while the government has done nothing to help or at least mediate?

I don’t know. I couldn’t choose one of those, among many other disturbing news makers in the media these days.

Honestly… I have a lot to say in my mind. The words have been jumbling up in my head, asking to be poured in this entry, but nothing came out when I typed this. I did not know how to even start to comment about this… stuffs.

Sometimes I thought it was the society that is screwed. But even in the best society, there are some turds that messed around. Sometimes I thought it was me who has been over-reacting towards these… things. But then I wondered, why nobody had something to say about this kind of situation? Has other people become apathetic, or has they lost hope to the country? Of the humanity — if it’s drawn to the bigger scope — has no longer exist?

Maybe being human is overrated.

Maybe when we thought that animals are jealous to us because we’re human beings with knowledge and civilisation and those shits, the actually are laughing at us for being the most ignorant turds in the planet.

Saw my puppies today chasing and barking on a pistachio nutshell (wha..?), before my dad gave them the real food for them to nom in bliss. I think I am kind of jealous to them.

UK Fiancée Visa


It is stressful.

I am not sure if it is because of another PMS phase, or because of the long list of stuffs I needed to gather to get my fiancee visa that has made me feel a little bit agitated lately. Honestly, it may sounds a little bit over-dramatic when I am talking about this to other people, but the tension and the pressure to make things worked has got into me too much that it has made me more anxious than excited.

The last few days I have been busied with gathering documents, typing letters, finding pictures, and also reading other people’s experiences about applying for a fiancee visa. It is not as easy at it is said at the UKBA’s (United Kingdom Border Agency) website. You might only see a short list of stuffs over there, and you might think “oh that’s pretty straightforward”, no it is not.

Few weeks ago I went to a travel agency who helped me with the visitors visa to the UK and to Australia, and asked them if they could help me with the fiancee visa as well. They did not even take more than a minute to decide that they could not help. So I asked my auntie whose friend is the owner of one travel agency, who should be very experienced in making visas, and he said that it is going to be hard and you would never know what could happen. So basically he couldn’t help as well.

Few more rejections later, I decided to do it myself, and go through all the required steps to get things done. I went through the world wide web to get more informations about what I should do to get my visa application approved. It is not easy. Really…

What I have learned from the forums for expatriates, the UKBA never gave us an exact directions about what we should give and what they needed to know. They would give us some guidance, and it would be up to us to interpret that and decide which documents should go with the applications to support the informations there. The more elaborate the supporting documents the better.

So when things became really tense yesterday, I had a very bad conversation with Mr. Fix-It.

Mr Fix-It, being a British citizen himself, never understood how someone could be rejected when they applied for a visa. He believes that as long as the required documents is provided and a long elaborated letter explaining stuffs is given to the officer, things would go smoothly as he wishes — because that’s how the system works in the country where he lives. In fact, he does’t need to apply for any kind of visa to enter some countries in the world at all. So, how could he understand that someone could be rejected in visa application?

He could not get that his country could be the worst for the visa application (together with the US and Australia, of course). He doesn’t understand that as one of the main destination for illegal immigrants, his country NEEDS to be a little bit paranoid to make sure only the right person come in. He doesn’t understand that general visitor visa is not the same with fiancee visa, as the former is only visiting visa and the latter is a settlement visa.

And the fact that he couldn’t understand this annoyed the shit out of me.

When I told him that I needed more proofs to assure the border agency officers about everything, he said I worried too much. When I told him that I worried because there are people from other countries that has got rejected because they’ve provided not enough evidences, he said it was probably because the person and the country they’re from were not quite trusted. When I told him that it was a student in the UK University, who came from the US which should be a low risk country, that has got rejected, he said that it must be the person’s background and history.

Why wouldn’t he just agree that it might be because of the lack of evidences?

He said I don’t have to prove myself to the border agency officers. The heck I do.

I am a stranger. A foreigner to the country. I came to stay and to use their resources. Of course I need to prove that I deserve all that.

It is stressful enough to have to do all of this preparation, and it is even more stressful that he doesn’t understand why I was stressed.

However, so far, I have prepared the best I could. I really hope nothing would go wrong with this application because not only the application fee is so damn expensive (considering the ever changing currency rate), but also because I really don’t want Mr. Fix-It to live in a country like this. I could adapt better than he does 😦

I don’t believe in luck, but just for this one… wish me luck.



Paedophile vs Predator


I know that some topics are considered as taboo and it is better not to leave them alone. Forever.

However, there are some topics that are considered as taboo but need to be talked about so that we can get it straight.

So, before you continue reading this, I feel that I need to put a disclaimer that the rest of the article might not be for the faint hearted. It is a bit disturbing for some people and not a very cheerful subject for most. So continue for your own risk. Thank you…

I have been thinking about this since I heard about the little child got sexually abused by her own father not so long time ago. Every time I told anyone about this, their first reaction would be, “damn this paedophile”. And, every time they said that, I always felt that there was something wrong with it. I couldn’t understand what was wrong at that very moment, but the more I think about it, the more I can see what’s not right.

Maybe I don’t have enough understanding about Paedophilia, as much as those who actually learn about this kind of stuff. However, after I read Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov (and also saw the films, the old one and the remake), I started to think that paedophilia (or because of the film thus called “lolita complex”) is just one of many sexual fetishes anybody could have.

Yes, you read it just right. I have just put Paedophilia or the sexual attraction to prepubescent child, in the same category with other paraphilias such as asphyxiophilia (getting sexual arousal by being asphyxiated), Biastophilia (getting sexual arousal for non-consensual sex activity), Coprophilia (getting sexual arousal when it involves faeces), Necrophilia (getting sexual arousal with dead body), or other kind of fetish such as sadism, masochism, Pedovestism, or other complexes such as Oedipus complex, Electra complex, Madonna-whore complex. And so on.

And, I have to be perfectly honest, I see nothing wrong with having sexual fetishes. Therefore, as much as you might hate me for saying this, I don’t see anything wrong with Paedophilia.

Please don’t get me wrong.

I still despise the idea of child sexual abuse. However, being sexually aroused with kids, doesn’t make someone a child rapist, or child abuser, or what I call as child predator. Yes, child predator are usually paedophile. But being sexually interested into something and actually doing it makes a whole lot differences.

You might have an Oedipus complex, but that doesn’t mean you want to bang your own mother. You would find a replacement figure who reminds you of your mother, or you might find someone lot older who could replace the position of your mother instead of perving your mum. You might have a Biastophilia, but that doesn’t mean you would just running around choosing your target to rape. Instead, you could just find a partner who might be a bit masochist who would be more than happy to play a rape-fantasy role play with you.

However, you could find predator in so many different forms, and not always attacking children. It could be a random rapist on the empty street, or a bunch of friends who just had too much alcohol in their system, or a family member who kept sexually harassing you whenever your parents are not around, or the boss or professor who have been using their power to get a sexual gratification from other people. But they are not paedophiles.

And stop calling other people Paedophiles just because they are having a relationship with someone a lot younger than them. Read again what paedophilia is, and unless the other counterpart is a prepubescent child, then it’s not paedophilia… at all.

Of course I completely understand about statutory rape, which is probably what makes all paedophile looks like a predator. Because it wouldn’t matter if the child is consenting, as long as they are underage, it’s a rape. And, I totally understand why the law is made that way. I understand how these children need protection from people who would want to take advantage of their innocence. I get it.

However, there is a fine line between being attracted to something and actually acting to it.

Some men end up with women with childlike features: short small breasted, childish looking, high pitched voice, well shaved genitalia, etc. instead of actually go for a real female toddler. For example.

No… I am sorry, I don’t have a good enough closing statement for today’s topic. I know that a lot of things in this argument are debatable. Go ahead, make your own statement 🙂 Let’s talk!

Book Review: War Of The Worlds


Title: War Of The Worlds
Author: H.G. Wells
Language: English

Before I start reviewing, I would like to say that I have not yet watched the film nor seen the musical play, therefore I probably am not the best person to compare the book with other pieces. I know that the film was somehow popular, especially with popular people starring the movie, so please feel free to tell me that I have missed something if you think I had. However, this is a book review, so I would review it based on what I read. Thank you.

One fateful day, a strange cylinder fell from the sky in Woking and has drawn the curiosity of the people all around England. They tried to figure out what the thing were, and soon figured out that it was a spaceship from Mars. Martians came out from the cylinder and they seemed harmless. Were they really?

I do love this book. Or should I say, e-book? I got it free from my apple iBook store. I think it was not only great because I got a free e-book, but also wonderful that it was really a great classics everybody needs to read. I would soon tell you why this book worth your time.

It was amazingly written. The author has written all the details, which has made me able to imagine how things were just by reading it (remember, I have never seen the film which probably has visualised the story better on screen). However the rather thorough description did not bore me at all. The only reason why I had to stop every one or two chapters when I was reading it, is because it is not written in my mother language, so it slowed me down (and the fact that I read it at night before I slept).

Using the first person point of view, it has given a better feel of the suspense the main character has been going through. I think it was really a great way to deliver the story — by narrating it from the first person point of view.

I have to admit, as much as I enjoy watching sci-fi film, I am not into reading sci-fi. I have to say that this might be the first sci-fi literature I have finished reading, and that means a lot for me. What impressed me more is that I actually enjoyed reading it page by page without actually felt impatient. The plot was amazing, it made you not only curious of how it ends, but also how it could reach that last page.

I wouldn’t lie, I HATE how it ends. Although I thought it was a brilliant twist, and that nobody would expect that could happen, I think Wells could do better with that. Not that I was disappointer, but… really? Really?

As I said before, this is a classics everybody needs to read or at least try to read (some people could not finish reading classics — me with my 5th attempt to read pride and prejudice for example). I would rate this book 8 out of 10.

When It Takes You More Than Five Seconds…


Whenever I saw Si Onyed buzzed me on my Whatsapp messenger, and started the conversation with, “Sis, I need to talk to you about something”, I know where the conversation would go. Of course I wouldn’t just cut her before she said anything but I was always ready with the same reply. Not necessarily an answer, because she hates to be answered with a question, but a question for her to find out her own answer. If that makes sense?

Almost every time she came to me and talked about how complicated her relationship with someone, I would ask her if she was happy. I think that is only fair because I was not the one who should decide whether she was happy or not, although I always thought she was not enjoying her relationship based on her ranting frequency alone. So last night when she started this again, I asked her once more:

“Are you happy?”

“I am tired of being asked if I was happy or not. I am not sure whether I was happy or not, because I think it is 50:50.”

Honestly, I have never heard anyone who’s happy and satisfied with their relationship would answer that way. I use the method to myself whenever I was in any troubled times in my own relationship. I have five second rule…

Not THAT five second rule…

But as for me, if anyone took more than five seconds to decide if they are happy or not with the relationship, it means they are not happy. Why? Because they are considering their unhappiness in the answer but unwilling to disclose the fact that they are not satisfied with the relationship, so they would think and come up with answers like what Onyed always did.

It goes like this:

“Are you happy?”

6 seconds later… An unsure expression and eye contacts avoidance…

“I am happy, but we are not in the best state right now”

“It is a bit complicated but I am happy…”

“You know relationship is not that simple. I am happy but things need working out…”

“Well it depends on how you look at it, but there are times I am happy with the situation…”

“I am happy that I am still with him/her, but it is a bit tiring sometimes…”

I’ve been there, and done that. Times when I thought being happy four days a week and depressed the other three days is considered as a happy relationship because you have more happy days compared to the not happy ones. How could someone live that bullshit?

I have been through many stressful relationship and I am enjoying the day when a relationship is drama free. Now I know the difference of living a happy relationship and going through a denial while hoping that things would change and for once I could be happy for real. People got a bit blinded sometimes, by love, or by pride… but blinded nevertheless.

And admitting the unhappiness could make the unhappiness feels more real, more vivid, and most of the time people wouldn’t want to do that. It is so much easier to build the perfect imagination and living it as if it was real, than living the reality itself.

Well… If my relationship with Si Onyed has been through a different dynamics, I might just tell her to walk off from the unhappy relationships. But the fact that we were once in a romantic relationship, that could be a bit in a dangerous zone, no matter how it has changed now. Some people could not see a good deed beyond the relationship history, so I should leave it like that.

In the end, I always wish her the best.

She is no longer a child now. It has been more than seven years since I first knew her, and has been intensely close to her since. She is a part of my life, and so I hope she could live the life she always wanted. But I could only help her so far, she would need to walk alone one day, and thinking of that makes me feel a little bit melancholic.

I’ve been blabbering, haven’t I? Oh dear… Should stop it right here, should I?


(Probably) The Best Thing of Having A Brother


I have never had a big brother. I used to want them so much, I started to consider few of my male friends big brothers. However when I was getting older, I learned that doing that would not only invite further danger and some unexpected reactions from some people, but also could be a little bit complicated after some times. Until now, there is only one person I could ever consider as a big brother, ever… and I always see him as my Brother Bear.

It’s been a while since the last time I actually talk to him. It could be last year when I chatted to him and gave him my best wishes for his wedding, which I could not attend because I had some problems with my dissertation.

Having sisters are awesome, especially with sisters like mine. However there are some topics you could only talk to a brother. Or at least, that’s how I feel about those certain topics.

I had a more complicated relationship with my little brother. The fact that he is eight years younger than I am made it hard for us to build a really close relationship when we were younger. He was pretty much a toddler when I entered my puberty. However, when we were getting older, this dynamic relationship has changed. Especially now when he has graduated from high school and becoming an adult.

Things which were a bit of taboo to talk about when we were younger are now fun and no longer avoided. For example I could casually ask him which porn site that is not blocked, and he could casually tell me the best way to bypass that system, after done laughing at me. Or I could suggest him a pack of condoms and tell him that he’d better prepared than sorry. No one wants to be a parent… prematurely.

I can’t imagine having this kind of conversations with my sister. Not that they are not open with these idea, nor that they are not familiar with these topics either. But, talking about these with my sisters would be a little bit awkward. Really…

Well… maybe my brother feels awkward when I talked about these with him as well, but I don’t really care. This world is revolving around me, isn’t it?