When It Takes You More Than Five Seconds…


Whenever I saw Si Onyed buzzed me on my Whatsapp messenger, and started the conversation with, “Sis, I need to talk to you about something”, I know where the conversation would go. Of course I wouldn’t just cut her before she said anything but I was always ready with the same reply. Not necessarily an answer, because she hates to be answered with a question, but a question for her to find out her own answer. If that makes sense?

Almost every time she came to me and talked about how complicated her relationship with someone, I would ask her if she was happy. I think that is only fair because I was not the one who should decide whether she was happy or not, although I always thought she was not enjoying her relationship based on her ranting frequency alone. So last night when she started this again, I asked her once more:

“Are you happy?”

“I am tired of being asked if I was happy or not. I am not sure whether I was happy or not, because I think it is 50:50.”

Honestly, I have never heard anyone who’s happy and satisfied with their relationship would answer that way. I use the method to myself whenever I was in any troubled times in my own relationship. I have five second rule…

Not THAT five second rule…

But as for me, if anyone took more than five seconds to decide if they are happy or not with the relationship, it means they are not happy. Why? Because they are considering their unhappiness in the answer but unwilling to disclose the fact that they are not satisfied with the relationship, so they would think and come up with answers like what Onyed always did.

It goes like this:

“Are you happy?”

6 seconds later… An unsure expression and eye contacts avoidance…

“I am happy, but we are not in the best state right now”

“It is a bit complicated but I am happy…”

“You know relationship is not that simple. I am happy but things need working out…”

“Well it depends on how you look at it, but there are times I am happy with the situation…”

“I am happy that I am still with him/her, but it is a bit tiring sometimes…”

I’ve been there, and done that. Times when I thought being happy four days a week and depressed the other three days is considered as a happy relationship because you have more happy days compared to the not happy ones. How could someone live that bullshit?

I have been through many stressful relationship and I am enjoying the day when a relationship is drama free. Now I know the difference of living a happy relationship and going through a denial while hoping that things would change and for once I could be happy for real. People got a bit blinded sometimes, by love, or by pride… but blinded nevertheless.

And admitting the unhappiness could make the unhappiness feels more real, more vivid, and most of the time people wouldn’t want to do that. It is so much easier to build the perfect imagination and living it as if it was real, than living the reality itself.

Well… If my relationship with Si Onyed has been through a different dynamics, I might just tell her to walk off from the unhappy relationships. But the fact that we were once in a romantic relationship, that could be a bit in a dangerous zone, no matter how it has changed now. Some people could not see a good deed beyond the relationship history, so I should leave it like that.

In the end, I always wish her the best.

She is no longer a child now. It has been more than seven years since I first knew her, and has been intensely close to her since. She is a part of my life, and so I hope she could live the life she always wanted. But I could only help her so far, she would need to walk alone one day, and thinking of that makes me feel a little bit melancholic.

I’ve been blabbering, haven’t I? Oh dear… Should stop it right here, should I?



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