Monthly Archives: March 2014

Bureaucrazy

Standard

I am not happy lately.

Apart from yes, I am having PMS, I also am not happy with the way things goes in here.

So, some of you might have got a little bit of idea how hard it was for me to get my fiance visa when I was in Indonesia. You knew my journey to get here, and how I had to go back and forth to be in where I am now. However, my fiance visa is just a temporary visa.

It is not even a real settlement visa.

Basically, having a fiance visa means you would be able to come in to this country and get married and get your marriage registered in this country. So it is now legal. However having a fiance visa and then got married in this country doesn’t mean that you are automatically granted a settlement visa (spousal visa or whatever). It means even if I have got married to a UK citizen, I am not allowed to work, to access the national health system (not that I want to use it anyway), and many other things. Even, if I don’t get my settlement visa done in time, I might have to leave this country AGAIN in July.

This is crazy.

Why do they have to ask so many things in the beginning to give me the fiance visa if they couldn’t give me the settlement visa after I got married? Why do they have to make things difficult for me?

I understand that it might be unwise to rant in this blog. But I honestly very much unhappy with the situation here. I think it is mean and unfair that they accepted my money, and my fiance visa application, but require me to do the same all over again, and pay them more money just to be able to stay here a bit longer. I think it is unfair.

My track record is clean. I came here as a student. I never tried to cheat the system. I paid for everything I had in this country. I had enough savings to paid for myself for the next 5 years in this country, or even more. All I want is a piece of paper saying that I can stay here with my husband. That’s all. Why do they have to make it so difficult?

So, When..?

Standard

You could never be able to satisfy people, could you?

Up until two years ago people would ask me when I would getting a boyfriend, not knowing that I just had broken up with si Onyed. Last year they would bug the shit out of me by asking when I would get married, not knowing that at that time we did not have any plan of getting married. And now, they couldn’t stop being pesky by asking me when I would have kids of my own.

Well… As I have said before, I never say never. But kids? Oh, come on…

My friend told me that kids would change so much. I changed her marriage, and according to her, in a good way. She said that her husband loves her more after she had baby. She said that their relationship became stronger after they had their son. She said that it started to feel like a real family, and marriage is no longer feels as if it’s just them living together.

I just remembered that she got pregnant before she actually got married.

How does she know that her marriage would be better off with kids than without? She practically never had a marriage without kids. And why should I need kids to make my husband loves me more? I thought with or without kids he should have loved me all the same, shouldn’t he? So how about women or men who physically couldn’t have kids? Aren’t they deserve the same kind of love from their partner apart from their ability to produce little humans?

Isn’t it pathetic that you expected a bigger love by creating life, not knowing how to actually provide for them properly? Or to love them properly? No wonder there are so many failures, kids and parents. Apparently they bred without a full consciousness of what the heck is going on with their lives after the baby born.

I am not being a grumpy old git or jealous bitch. I am completely aware that some of my friends are starting the parenthood, or motherhood to be exact. I am not interested in being a mother. If I did, I would have told my husband and we could burn all those rubber and would start an intensive sessions of baby making.

However, I agree that having babies would change my marriage, and especially my life. I told my sisters about this and asked them whether and how IT would change me. They laughed evilly, and told me this,

“Yes, being a mother would change you. You would be fatter, much grumpier and bitterer too.”

I love my sisters. They know me that well.

Tell you what? You might not have cool sisters like mine, but don’t be discourage because that was just an example that in this world there are people who knows you the best and wouldn’t bug the shit out of you by asking the impossible from you.

Just sayin’

Cheers…

Book Review: The Curious Incident of The Dog

Standard

Title: The Curious Incident of The Dog In The Night Time
Author: Mark Haddon
Format: paperback
Language: English

Review:
The story revolves around a teenage boy with Asperger syndrome, who in one night found out that his neighbour’s dog was killed with a garden fork. He decided that he would find the killer and write a book about it.

I really couldn’t and shouldn’t tell you more than that because I don’t want to spoil the fun you are going to get reading this book. This book is very interesting no matter how and from which angle you would want to discuss about it.

The theme of the book is not quite mainstream, the main character is rather uncommon, the story telling with a lot of illustration — although isn’t quite original, is pretty refreshing, but what captivated me more is the way the author portrayed the mind of a 15 year old boy who lives with Asperger syndrome. It is sinfully funny, and remarkably honest. I love the dark humour he inserted in this book.

The wordings he chose was pretty simple. I think the author has broken some norms in writing this unique novel, However by doing so, he is not only making this book readable to first time readers and non-native readers. It is so easy to understand such a complex story, and I should give a lot of kudos for the author for being able to do that.

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone. I know that this book has a lot of foul words, but so does my blog. And kids nowadays have heard worse than that you could find in this book, so yeah let them read it.

I rate this book 10/10

How’s The Marriage Life?

Standard

How’s the marriage life?

Soon after the wedding, I went home with Mr. Fix-It. We were all tired after the ceremony and the reception. For us the introverts, mingling and entertaining guests, even in our own party, is very draining. It doesn’t mean we weren’t happy, but socialise does take a lot of energy for us.

Anyway, I don’t want to start a long elaborated explanation about how different we introverts from extroverts, and how normal this is for us.

So we went home, all tired and happy. Took off our shoes. Sat down and drank (water for me, coffee for him), and chilled for a while. We opened the wedding gifts from friends and family, and started talking about stuffs. And sat again and relaxed….

I realised something at that moment. How weird that was to come back to the same house, doing the same chore, talking about the same stuff, drinking the same water from the same cup, but knowing that something needs to be different this time. I don’t know how you would explain this without sounding callous or heartless but I did not feel anything different from the day before I got married and after.

Only that now I could use his family name after mine.

But everything is just the same. He would go to work in the morning, we will have dinner together after he goes home. During the day I would go to the city, or just chilling at home doing nothing since I am not allowed to work for now. In the weekend we would go out like usual, doing some shopping and eat out if we wish, or redecorating the house. On Fridays he would still have his night out with is buddy, and I could go and chat with my male buddies anytime I wish. Nothing has changed.

I am very sorry to burst your bubble, my dear romantic friends, but… honestly, I really think that marriage life is a little bit over-romanticised and have been taken exaggeratedly. Seriously.

Being married doesn’t mean you would have to be with your partner all the time. You don’t have to go to the social meetings as a couple. It wouldn’t make you less a couple if you have your own me-time. You could have your little alcove in the house where your partner couldn’t disturb your sunday morning me-time reading. Yes you could.

What is different is that you are now legally a family. You have the right to make medical decision if your partner could not. You could get sued if you are being unfaithful, in some countries you could even get stoned. You are lucky if you are living in a more civilised country, the worst you could get is a bit of prison time or a nasty fine.

So I told this to Mr. Fix-It and he agreed that this is weird.

People expected us to be a different person after we are married, but isn’t that sad that a marriage should change anyone. I really hope that my marriage wouldn’t be like that. It shouldn’t be like that. If anything, it will be us becoming more ourselves in front of each other.

Have I sounded like married now?

Mrs. Fix-It

Standard

Hello there 🙂

I am so sorry for having to leave this blog for a very long time. I have been busy.

No. Not the kind of busy that I usually used as the excuse of being lazy and not writing anything, but the kind of busy because I am now starting my own family. Yes, I just got married to Mr. Fix-It.

Finally.

The wedding ceremony was held on the 1st of March in the registry office in our city. It was a simple ceremony, only attended by the closest friends and family of ours (within proximity). Of course there are some people I would like to invite, but they are quite far away from here so I might invite them later when we celebrate it in Indonesia with more family and friend.

When people said that the wedding day is one of the most important days of a girl’s life, I might have to say that it is not quite true. I think it is more important for my parents than the other because I think they are the one who were the most emotional compared to everyone in the room that day. Especially my father.

How about me?

I have prepared myself to be a little bit overexcited on my wedding day. I heard that many people couldn’t actually contain their emotion during the ring ceremony or the reading of their wedding vow. So I wore less eye-liner and made sure that the mascara was a waterproof one. However, it went quite well. No tears, just laughter.

Mr. Fix-It and I agreed that our wedding was one of the best weddings ever. It was simple, straightforward and free from emotional bollocks. Everybody’s happy, and cheerful, and we drank and ate and none of the wedding vows and readings are saccharine-sweet or sickeningly soppy.

Ókay, I have to admit that we did make a little bit of adjustment of the wedding ceremony’s readings. We decided to make our own ring promise because all the ring promise words we found on the booklet from the registry office and the internet are so stupidly mushy and full of bollocks. We don’t want to promise to hold each other hands when the storm comes, or saying I love you everyday. And I am pretty sure that we could fart if we had to say in front of our family and friend that we would love and support each other by looking deep to each other’s eye. And “romantic” is not our style.

So, Mr. Fix-It came up with a ring-word idea after we dismissed the Lord of The Rings’s “One ring to rule them all” poem. It would be kind of cool if we did that, but we would come across as a geeky couple for some people and weird for some others. And, I have asked Mr. Fix-It who is now my husband, if I could share our ring promise to my friends in this blog, and he said I could…

So this is our ring promise.

Mr. Fix-It: (said to me while putting the ring on my ring finger on my left hand) “With this ring, I promise to TRY to make you happy everyday.”
Me: (doing the same ritual) “With this ring, I promise to MAKE SURE that you do”

And he made that. I was quite happy with that straightforward humorous ring promise which was actually deep and meaningful for us, so did all our friends.

So yeah, I am Mrs. Fix-It now. I am so sorry that I couldn’t invite more people to my wedding in England. However, I would like to invite more of my friends to the reception in Indonesia. It wouldn’t be the same, I know, but I would like to share a bit of this happiness to those who dear to me.

I would also thank you for your support all the time. I still need your support because I would have to take care of the next settlement visa in 4 months. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you 🙂