Monthly Archives: April 2014

Buzz

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Finally.

After five pints of beer, and approximately five hundred terabytes of information exchanged, and five hours sleep, I am awake and rested enough to write something out of my brain.

So, after a long time not meeting new people, I made a new friend yesterday. I wasn’t prepared for this kind of friendship because for me it is a kind of rare thing to have in this part of the world. Basically, I met up with this guy in the city centre yesterday after few weeks of texting.

He is an Asian. To be exact, he is a Chinese Malaysian who studied in Scotland, and has got a new job in Cambridge after spent some times in Norwich. I don’t quite believe in coincidences, but after knowing that all this time we are kind of neighbour, it is funny that we never knew each other. Apart from, of course, we hung out with different people and lived different kind of lifestyle, I sort of see a bit of myself in him.

He reads, he watched good films, he likes science and politics, he listens to cool music and bands, and he writes.

His life in Malaysia as a Chinese-Malaysian was similar with mine when I was in Indonesia. His experience studying in this country, is more or less the same with mine. What he thinks and what he knows kind of mirrored what was in my head for awhile. And talking to him, spending almost the whole day with him did not exhaust me like some people.

I have to admit (and I did admit this to my husband as well), that it is nice to have an Asian friend. I mean a South-East Asian friend with an East Asian cultural background, because of course Asia is a big continent and some people don’t realise that Middle East is a part of Asia too (but that’s not the point). It is nice to have someone who shares similar background with me, who understands what I have been going through and says something that makes sense to me.

Plus this guy is awesome. He is not only sharing the same cultural and regional background with me, he’s also made my brain fizzed and buzzed. All the rusty gears there worked, lubed with five pints of beer, and a lot of swear words. In six chatty hours, we became friends and talked like two old friends. That is weird.

I am glad I met him finally.

I am glad I made the decision to go ahead and meet people. Considering I don’t do this often, it is great to use up all the energy meeting the right people that would contribute something in my development as a person. Don’t you think?

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I Like…

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I like… thinking…

I like thinking of things that I like in life
The first thing come up in my mind is that I like food
It reminds me… I like snacking while watching TV shows
I like my crisps not too salty, and like cheese flavours the most
I like dipping my nachos to cheese dips

However, I am a bit picky…
I like the my sunny side runny, but I like the white crispy
I like my tea hot and unsweetened, no milk, nor other flavour in it
But I like my coffee very milky and sweet — sometimes strong coffee affects my heart beat, and keep me awake at night…

I like staying up late but being able to see the first sun light in the morning
I like reading a good book before bed
And watching a good film in silence after dinner…

I like a good dinner, sometimes with a good company
I like cooking my own good dinner…

I like cooking in general, and I would love to be able to bake as well
I like learning new stuff
I like knowing stuff
That’s why I like reading and watching film… because I can learn a lot from them.

I like fiction though. It helps my brain work in a more creative way.
I like being creative, I have spend my times doing art and craft while not working
I like crocheting, knitting, doodling, sketching, drawing patterns and painting murals
I like writing too

I like knowing that my brain is working, and being able to write something tells me that
I like writing different things
Fiction, articles, poem… Even thesis for my degrees…
I like it when I click the button, and post this to my blog

But before I do that I’d like to tell you,

I think I like you too 🙂

Bybyq: Miss Socialite

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NOT…

Small talk, as it happened, has proven to drained me mentally. It took me awhile to be able to recover from the exhausting activity — to entertain someone and engaging in a chatty conversation.

I realised this, or was reminded of this few days ago when my sister in law came to our house and ask me to teach her how to crochet, two days in a row. I was so exhausted I felt a little bit guilty for feeling so.

Please don’t get me wrong. I like my sister in law. She is the best kind of sister in law anyone would ever ask for. She is kind and warm and very welcoming, and nice. She welcomed me to the family apart from what I have done to her brother before. I liked her attention to us and especially to me. However, I guess it is the different cultural background and age gap between us that has constructed a big thick wall between us, or at least that’s how I feel about the relationship between me and her.

It seems that the conversation couldn’t go anywhere further than small talk and superficial chit chat. It could never go deeper like the kind of conversation I had with Mr. Fix-It. Granted, he is my husband. But in a way that hardly describable, Mr. Fix-It is so much different from his big sister.

I like my sister in law, and I think she is an awesome person. But talking to her takes a lot of effort, and it is so much easier for me if I have someone else to buffer and distract — and that is my husband’s job.

I am not a self proclaimed introvert…

uniteI am an introvert.

Meeting a good friend in a quiet environment and talk as little as possible is a good hang out for me. The social dynamic between Princess AK and I, is a very good example.

We wouldn’t talk for ages, and keep an eye on each other’s social media to make sure that we are still alive. Then we decided that it might be a good time to get in touch, so we would send one or two message just because. When we need to catch up more, we probably decide one day to meet up, usually started or ended with a film. It is always nice to sit in silent and watch film. The next day we would stop talking again, not because our meet up went bad, but because we needed to recharge… and quiet time is the only way.

That… is not something many people would understand.

Ah…

Now I am missing my introverts friends in Indonesia. I think I might drop them an email or a text…

Yes we hate phone calls…

 

The Toughest Job

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I came across this viral video “The Toughest Job”. I have suspected just from the title that it might not be a real job thingy, but I eventually watched it (and I blamed my curiosity for the longest 10 minutes of my life that I couldn’t get back). It supposed to be a surprise, the twist in the end of the video, so if you haven’t watched it and you don’t want a spoiler you might want to stop reading here. Or you might want to take a look at the video first before continue reading.

I will be the nice one here and give you the video:

It was disturbing, and according to this article, this video is: obvious, manipulative and stupid.

My mother never had to stand up all the time while mummying four children. She had enough rest, she slept heavily, she had coffee breaks whenever she wanted to, she went on holidays, she even had a full body massage twice a week. She went to the cinema to watch her favourite gangster film, she went to shops and buy new clothes, she went to the beauty parlour regularly to keep her skin ample and young, and to the salon to make sure that she had the latest hairstyle.

She hired nannies (not baby sitter!) for us to make sure we were taken care of when she was at work, she hired chauffeur so she did not have to run around to take us to and from school (or to wherever the extra piano lesson took place). She, just in case you wanted to know, worked so she could not only hired the best to take care of us, send us to the best schools to get the best education (I was sent to the UK!), and basically support all of us financially… and more. Does it mean my mother is less than a stay at home mum?

Does it mean that because my mother is happy, well rested, and working, she is less than the desperate housewives that gave up their life after marriage or having kids? That is silly and that is not fair.

My mum was the best and she is still the best. I might not always in a good term with her as I was getting older and generation gap is in the way, but nevertheless she is the supermum anyone ever wished for.

I am not sure what these guys were trying to do. Romanticising the idea that sacrificing life would give the ultimate happiness of being a mum is a stupid and silly idea. It did not only justified my reluctance to become one, it also corroborate my cynicism towards overrated parenthood.

Being a mum is not a job. It is a role.

With a job you can just quit if you are unhappy. Be a mother, you are forever bounded in a responsibility, unless you give up your kids for adoption once you realised you are an incapable mum. But it is a role, which I believe not easy to do.

Being a slave to your kids is not the right definition of being a mother. My mother is the definition of a mother.

She raised us, gave us the important basic skills to survive and then let us go to fend for ourselves in the big wild world while keeping the door open whenever we were in trouble and need some kind of salvation. She did not miss a thing, while enjoying the role.

Because it is not a job. It is not something my mother HAD to do. It is what my mother WANT to do.

So stop the crap of comparing motherhood and a slavery. They are not the same.

You rock, Ma.

Hey, Did You Vote?

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Yes yes yes…

Did you? Did you vote? Did you?

I really hope you did. I know that it is a bit late to write about voting, but this is probably the only time I could make it.

The reason why I really wanted you to vote is that because an unfortunate circumstance I couldn’t vote. The thing is when I arrived in the UK, the voting registration in the embassy has already closed, so I couldn’t be registered as a voter. While I was registered in my home town, and could vote there, I couldn’t do it because I was abroad. What a shame.

So, you, lucky citizen who got the chance to participate to write the history, I hope you did use your rights wisely.

I remembered the first time I voted in 2004. It was one of a lifetime experience. You watch telly to see who’s in the election, and you thought about it wisely. You took your time to contemplate and imagine how your country would change to the better, and you raise your hope high. It was 10 years ago, and I could still remember how it felt when I made my mind in the little voting box in Jakarta.

I believe that different people gets different first time voting experience. I really do hope that it was a real good life changing experience for you 🙂

Now that I realised that the presidential election is coming up next in few months, have you decided who are you going to vote? I hope by that time I could vote too, but if I couldn’t… I wish you all the best 🙂

 

Being Crafty

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Okay… I have to admit that I have been neglecting this blog for more than awhile.

I have been busy.

Not the kind of busy that you might think of. I mean, the marriage life is not as busy as you think it would be. Especially because I have not got the permit to work in this country yet.

I have been busy doing crafty work.

It started in around 2005 when I quitted the Architecture School. I had so much time in my hand so I went to a knitting class. Yes a proper knitting class with proper expensive wool and a pair of stainless steel knitting needles. I managed to knit a hat for a friend who at that time studied in the Netherlands. But tracing back, I might have a long history with needlecraft long before that.

Apparently I am good with my fingers. It seems that it runs in the family. My mother used to crochet and do cross stitch to earn money when she was young, and when she got older she learned to use sewing machine and it seems that the sewing machine brought her to my father’s little garment company. My grandmother — from father’s mum and a somewhat traditional old lady — said that she was good with knitting, and she has proven her proficiency at making bedding and clothing patterns.

The first time I held my own crochet hook was when I was in primary school. I might be around 6 or 7 when I made my first Barbie’s hat. I then made a lot of hair scrunchies for everyone just to show off. Unfortunately I stopped before I became an expert in it, just because crocheting was not quite a cool activity to do. It’s a grandma’s thing…

Yeah, I still remembered when I made a hat for si Onyed in front of Ms. Coach. She blatantly said in front of me that I looked like a grandma with my head down, and my glasses hanging on my nose, while knit something for someone dear to me. If only I realised then how expensive my skill was valued, I would have been cashing out greens from teaching people how to knit. It was probably not the cool thing for a club girl like her, but it was something that housewives would kill to master.

Now in this country, knitting is THE thing. They even have this knitting clubs they call knit and natter for people who love needlecraft. I went to one of their meeting after a friend invited me to come to one. And while in Jakarta knit and natter is very limited, in Norwich they are everywhere!

So yes, I have been drowned in this knit and crochet activity and haven’t touched the keyboard for ages. The only time I went to my computer was either to find more tips, technique and patterns, OR to buy more knitting or crocheting equipments.

Now I kind of understand what my friend said about hobby, more than a decade ago when I asked him about why he spent so much on Magic the Gathering cards. It’s a hobby. Sometimes you sacrifice your lunch money for a month, for a rare set of cards on e-bay bidding, and that’s worth it. For him it’s the cards. For me it’s the yarns.

Sounds too passionate for a byq? Ah… okay, I will give a little bit of sneak peak of what I have been doing for awhile. Here comes the photos…

 

Maybelle flowers — Crochet

 

Crocheted rose

 

About A Divorce

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Whoa! Whoa!

What’s going on Byq? It’s only been a month and you’ve already talked about divorce?

Well… first of all, as much as it is a taboo topic for some people, it is not for me. In my opinion, no matter how sanctified marriage is for anyone, people has to get their mind open for the possibility of a divorce. My point is, if people are marrying each other for the sake of their happiness, then they should be ready to be apart for the same reason.

But, on a happier side, it’s not me who’s getting a divorce.

Why am I talking about divorce?

As what I have said in the beginning of this post, I’ve been married for one month already. It is not as difficult as I thought it would be, but it hasn’t been easy either. Especially on my husband side, as he now know that he has to deal with my crazy PMS every month for the rest of his life. Muahahaha…

The constant talks about marriage life (since it is still a hot topic among my friends), makes me think a lot about it too, unsurprisingly. And today I just remembered what my father said just before he walked me in to the registration room and gave me to Mr. Fix-it.

“If one day you decided that you are not happy, remember you always have our home as yours”

That is one and I think, the only thing I need to remember.

I am lucky enough to know that my parents wouldn’t just shun me, or disown me, or feeling too embarrassed to take me back if I decided to sign a divorce paper. I am lucky enough to know that in the end of the day, if I failed this, I still have a nice comfy safety net in my parents’ home. I am lucky that I could choose happiness above everything else, and my parents would be one hundred percent behind me and support me. I think that’s all that matters.

Of course that is not ideal. But what is?

Realistically, there are so many unhappy couple living in a physical hell (borrowing Mr. Fix-It’s word), just to avoid shame and social punishment for being a divorcee. Isn’t life too short for choosing that path?

Of course you couldn’t just decide to marry someone just to think that “oh well, if this doesn’t work I could just divorce”. There are too many legal things that is involved in marriage, so you shouldn’t mess around with that. After all, I believe people should marry for the right reasons. They might as well stay together for the same reason 🙂