Oh Dear


I haven’t posted anything since three months ago? Well, almost… but still, it’s unacceptable, and embarrassing.

So, first of all. I am writing in English again.

Yes, that’s the first embarrassing thing I must admit. I have been trying to post something in Bahasa Indonesia for the last few days, but apparently my brain cannot compose anything in my mother language. I could write few sentences, or paragraphs at most, but then I stuck. No story came up, and finally I gave up.

In times like this, I felt like I am losing my identity, and that’s rather scary to admit. It made my mood swing for the last few weeks, especially when Chinese New Year was approaching. So I impulsively decided that going to CNY celebration held by the Indonesian Society might be able to reconnect me to my root, or at least make me feel better, even temporarily.

It did not work. The so called party was probably the most awkward gathering events I have ever gone to. Luckily, Mr. Fix-it was with me, and he somehow saved the situation from being overly awkward. And he somehow was my way out too. I am so happy that he’s around in this kind of situation.

This is probably the first after so many years, I wanted to go home and could not. Not only because I have just been home few months ago, but also that in the next few months I will be back to Indonesia. This time is for my sister’s wedding. Gee, it would take me a whole blog entry to talk about her wedding.

Anyway, I am here again now. Hopefully I could post more regularly than before. Shame that I cannot keep my promise to blog in Bahasa Indonesia, and I sincerely apologise for that. However, I am proudly tell you that Mr. Fix-It has developed an interest in Bahasa Indonesia, so now I am teaching him few words and phrases to help him interact with my family for our next visit to Indonesia.

Now he could not only ask for coffee and milk, but also can confidently thank people, and giving my grandmother compliments about her tasty cooking. He also decided to learn the most mushy love expression, knowing that in Indonesia we don’t usually express our feelings in public, just to embarrass me. How thoughtful.

Actually, I found his fascination in learning Bahasa Indonesia quite comforting. Somehow teaching him Bahasa Indonesia has helped me to keep in touch with my root. It is not the same with interacting with fellow Indonesians, but I am not good around these people from Indonesian Society anyway. It was just weird.

Maybe I am just getting old. Which should be fine as it means I am getting closer to my lifetime goal: being a cougar.

Maybe I should start exercising. I don’t want to be a fat cougar.

Oh dear, I have started talking bollocks, it means I need to stop typing right now. See you soon, live long and prosper.


2 responses »

  1. Hey Byq,

    Welcome back! Anyway, don’t worry. I find it hard to engage with Indonesian people in here, too. I don’t even have any Indonesian friend. Like a friend friend. I just can’t deal with them when the only thing they seem to care about is prying over my personal life. My god it’s annoying! I left Indonesia for freedom, not to be pried on by the same people in here.

    Anyhoo, best of luck on you goal. LOL.



    • Hey Rae,
      Thank you for the warm welcoming 🙂 It is nice to know that someone is still reading my blog, although I have abandoned it for ages :p

      I don’t worry about the fact that I can’t engage with the Indonesian students here. It’s just a moment of homesickness, and probably the urge to get in touch with my root. Somehow, I think it’s because of CNY celebration that I missed.

      I agree with you, totally, that most Indonesian don’t have the slightest idea about what “personal boundary” is. I believe it’s cultural. No wonder that many ‘westerners’ would think that we are uncivilised and rude.

      Again, thank you for the best wishes. I wish you too, will get what you’re aiming for 🙂


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