I never thought I would feel quite emotional about a celebration that is not Chinese New Year. This New Year I felt a little bit down. I put half the blame to the hormonal imbalance caused by the contraception pills. I wish I could be off it this year.
Anyway… Ich werde nicht darüber reden jetzt.
On New Year’s eve (evening in Indonesia), meine mutter was frantically looking for my siblings on our little family’s whatsapp group. So, Ich habe sie fragen: “Where are you guys going?”.
She said that they were about to go to a restaurant to have a New Year’s Eve dinner together.
Somehow when she told me that, I felt completely left out. I know that she did not mean to do that, but it still felt like I have been cut out from the family picture. It is really annoying that I do not have any control of what I feel, no matter how much I tried to be positive about everything. All I know that time, I wanted to be in my parents’s home.
Of course I told this to my husband, and just to add to my annoyance he asked me this silly question: “You regret being here?”
Can you believe it? Can you believe what he just told me? How can he come to that silly conclusion? I just wanted to load some of my frustration and he thought that I was trying to tell him that I was not happy being here with him. I told him that I missed the life I had there… and who wouldn’t?
In Indonesia I didn’t have to do anything, here I had to clean up, wash up, load and unload the washing machine, shop, etc. My family was having a dinner in a nice restaurant (and I sure could tell what they had, without them having to tell me what they’ ordered), and I spent my new year’s eve feeling like shit, eating food I half heartedly cooked (because I didn’t want to.. doh). I mean, seriously, of course I would miss my life in Indonesia.
Of course not.
Anyway. I am just a bit upset. I think that’s quite obvious now. Not the best way to start a new year.